Unmotivated

That's where I've been.

Completely and utterly unmotivated.

I've worked out about 4 times in the last 6 weeks.

Thanksgiving was crummy. Brian was sick and the girls were sick. Then I was sick, the kids were sick and Brian was sick. This week, Brian was out of town and the girls are sick. Darcy actually had a temperature of 105 on Tuesday. I did an admirable job of not panicking. But all that leaves me drained and unmotivated to do anything.

When we moved here, I was gung-ho to meet everyone and do everything. Now, I just want to be left alone. I don't want to talk to anyone and I don't really want to do much of anything. I am tired and unfocused and I just don't care.

However on a more positive note, it seems that Lily has been potty trained. I'm actually pretty pleased that she was able to accomplish this. I felt certain I was going to be changing her diaper on her wedding day. Darcy is walking now. I've got one baby using the potty like a big girl and the other one upright and taking steps. I think time is flying by....and I can't say that I approve.

Brian will be out of town next week in Columbus learning new and important information in the world of Concrete. In the meantime, I will be doing...well, I'm not quite sure what I'm going to be doing. Getting ready for our trip, I guess. And doing some holiday baking as well.

Christmas just isn't Christmas unless I make some ugly cookies. Two of the last 4 years, I have tried to recreate the decorated sugar cookies of my youth. My mom used to make (from scratch, of course) sugar cookies that she iced and decorated. Things that have to be rolled out are not my forte and I can't ice anything, cakes included. Brian and I make a great team in that I can bake and he can frost. Except he's not going to be here. One good thing is that I've figured out what my problem is: I don't take my time. If I can manage to slow down and take longer than 30 seconds to do it, it may not come out looking like something Lily made.

However, for any of this to happen, I'm going to have to get motivated. I want to be in a new frame of mind when I start my vacation in 10 days.

Miscellany

The outage has completed, but Brian is still working excessively. Hopely that will draw to a close as well. Sunday, Brian didn't go to work at all and it seemed almost decadent to have him home all day. We have received the check that had 85 hours of overtime on it. That was nice. Almost makes it worth while.

Relations with my family seem to be thawing. I spoke with my brother at length on Sunday and assume he harbors no ill will toward me for interfering in his life. At least he doesn't have the courage of his convictions to not take money and gifts from me. I sent a package to my and Brian's parents with pictures of and by the girls. (A trick I learned on FlyLady to direct kid clutter somewhere other than my house.) I received an email from my dad thanking me and telling me that he heard (from my brother) that we were planning on coming that way. They want to know our plans because they don't want to miss seeing us while they might be out of town. He said "everyone" so I guess that includes me. He said "we" so I guess that includes my mother.

Brian has set his vacation and will be taking the last 2 weeks in December. This time was not my preference. I wanted to leave on Thanksgiving and stay until about the 3rd of December so that we could have Christmas in our own home and not have to do anything anyone else wanted us to do. It seems like every Christmas since we have been married has been half-baked. I wanted us to start our own traditions. One that didn't involve us traveling anywhere or feeling obligated to anyone else. That's the biggest part...that feeling of obligation, more commonly known as The Guilt Trip.

Brian got jerked around so much this year because of the transfer and all the OJT and the schools that he didn't get to take his vacation when he intended and now he's stuck taking it at the end of the year. If he doesn't take it now, it won't roll over and it seems a shame to waste 3 weeks of days. I, for one, don't want to stay here day in and day out for 2 weeks with him not working so "home" we will go for about 10 days. Brian is afraid he's going to be bored out of his mind. Surely there are some people who will still want to see us, even after the "Homeschooling" discussion. I know several people I would like to get together with...if only to pick their brains.

My training is going well. I continue to improve and Amy has assigned me 10 miles of cardio per week. It's not really as difficult as I thought it was going to be. My body will allow me to stay on the elliptical for 30 minutes thus giving me over 2 miles in one sitting. When I first started working out, I thought there was no way in the world that I would be able to go 10 minutes, but look at me now. I haven't been motivated to do much of anything the last couple of weeks, but I think my motivation is coming back. I'm definitely getting stronger and my muscles are becoming visible. I train with Amy on Friday and she'll take my measurements again to see how I'm really doing.

Halloween Carnival vs. Fall Festival

Okay, what's the difference and what's the point?

When I was growing up, our school had a Halloween carnival every year with a cake walk and I don't remember what else. It was always the last Saturday of the month of October and it was so fun. Our town always had a Halloween parade and then we would go to the carnival and then over to the Main Street Fair, also tons of fun. But the Main Street Fair lost its allure several years ago and has now moved to some sort of Christmas something or other.

My mother felt like only religious fanatics didn't celebrate Halloween and we certainly weren't fanatics. I remember as a youth in youth group watching a video about devil worship on Halloween. I walked away with the impression that Halloween was okay as long as you weren't worshipping the devil. That was really the church's only statement on the whole sordid affair, to my knowledge anyway.

And now, many, many churches are having "Fall Festivals". Well, what is the difference between that and the old-fashioned Halloween carnivals? Hayride? Check. Bobbing for apples? Check. Costumes? Check. Candy? Check. Confetti eggs? Check. It's still the same time of the year (even the same weekend). So what's the point? Why are we even bothering to call it a Fall Festival? Just call it a Halloween Carnival and be done with it. It's the exact same thing.

Don't get me wrong...I don't really have a problem with it either way, except that doesn't really feel right either. It seems almost inbred in me that as Christians we are supposed to hate Halloween because that's the Enemy's holiday. But there's something in me that is just bucking the system on that one.

I think if you want to have a real Fall Festival, have it in November where you're less likely to fall out from heatstroke and less likely to make the lost think that the church is finally condoning Halloween. Even unbelievers know what a Fall Festival held on the last weekend of October is.

Should We Encourage Our Daughters To Go To College?

In light of some of my recent thoughts, I have pondered this idea as well. Should we encourage (and pay for) our daughters to go to college? About 18 months ago, Brian and I discussed this and I was appalled at the injustice that the very idea screamed at me. What possible reason in the world could a parent have for not encouraging a girl to further her education? I railed against the injustice. Not that Brian agreed with that idea...he was just throwing it out there. Preposterous, I said. Utterly ridiculous.

But is it?

The biggest hurdle I have to contentedness and joy as a stay-at-home mom is actually accepting the fact that I am a stay-at-home mom with every intention of homeschooling my children. But why? Didn't you get the memo? I'm supposed to be doing "something" with my life. Yes, I know, answering the call of nurturing my family is my highest calling. Somewhere in the back of my head, there are lots of times that I feel like that is what I have to do because I didn't finish my education. Had I finished, I could be doing something really rewarding. I could be doing something that I really like (like accounting) instead of something that most days just drives me to distraction. I know that if I were in a high rise somewhere counting beans, I would be missing huge, key moments in my daughters' lives and I would be singing the sad song that working mothers sing.

So every day I fight with myself and I guess my point in all of this is...what if I'd been taught from birth on that raising a family was the greatest honor and joy for a woman? Would I still have this struggle inside of me to break free and run screaming to the university to get my accounting degree so that I can "do something" with my life? Brian says I can go to school any time I want...but what's the point? I'm gonna be a homeschooling mom when I grow up.

I just want to protect my girls from some of my struggles and heartaches and longings. If being a wife and a mother is the highest calling, why would I even want them to consider engineering or medicine or accounting? Why wouldn't I prepare them for the highest calling? Maybe it's better not to wake the sleeping giant of achievement in their hearts.

I Am An Aunt

In the course of the last few months, I have had very limited contact with my family. I wondered how (or if) I would know when Susie had her baby or if something bad happened to one of my parents. I knew that Susie and Sam's baby was due at the end of this month.

Tonight after Bible study, I had a message from my brother. I haven't spoken to my brother since June when I found out they were expecting and certainly not since I had my talk with Susie. I don't know where they are living or what they are doing. But tonight, my brother, his voice full of pride, called to tell me that I was an aunt and that his son "had everything he should have and nothing he shouldn't". The baby (between the answering machine and the cell phone, I couldn't catch the name, but it wasn't Bocephus Boudreaux) weighed 6 pounds, 14 ounces and was 19 and a half inches long.

And my brother told me that he loved me. Lily has prayed for Sam and Susie and their baby for months now. I am ashamed to admit that I have not been as faithful. I called him back and got his voice mail, but I told him how proud I was and happy for them and to let me know how I could help.

I'm hoping there is restoration in that relationship.

The Root of It All....

I've been following a very interesting discussion on Tom's blog and rather than muddle his blog, I'll post my thoughts here.

I never thought it made any difference. Christian or non-Christian. You decide how many children you want and then you have that many (God willing, of course). Once your perfect family is complete, use any number of available birth control methods to ensure (to the best of your ability) that you don't have any more except through God's divine intervention or forgetfulness. I never thought that one birth control method would be better or worse than another and I never thought how those various methods actually worked either. I only thought that they prevented pregnancy in varying states of permanence and that was the point. At least, it was the only thing I was interested in.

I have always thought that 2 children were plenty. I came from a family with 2 children. I had less fear of a total uprising with an equivalent number of parents and children. We would have an even number of people for rides at Astroworld (which I realize is now deceased). We would have no middle child and thus, no middle child syndrome...everything would be even. (Although, to be completely honest, nothing in my family has ever been even or equal.)

Brian has always had his heart set on 3. He comes from a family of 3 sons and so this seems like a perfect number to him.

And the debate continues. Brian is wise in that he knows not to push me on any particular issue. Pushing any issue will only cause me to run at breakneck speed to the other side. However, time continues to show that I usually come to where I need to be. Cases in point: breastfeeding, being a stay-at-home mom and homeschooling.

I am beginning to see the problem in all this...my feminism. If you had asked me 15 years ago what the course of my life was going to be...it wasn't going to be as a wife and mother. I saw no importance in that whatsoever. Of course, part of that thinking was due to the fact that I strongly believed that I would never find anyone to marry me and that I had been told it was very unlikely that I would ever have children.

I was taught that you had to depend on yourself and be able to take care of yourself.

When I heard men talking about not using birth control, I would get my nose way out of joint. Women, not that I heard very many in my social circle talking about unlimited children, I just thought were nuts. At least the women would actually be carrying the child and taking care of it instead of issuing a directive while going off to the office and talking to people who can talk back.

When I told my mother that Brian wanted 3 and I only wanted 2, she confirmed what I was thinking. He wasn't the one that was going to have to carry it and have it and take care of it. So he didn't get a vote.

And that's the way I was raised and that is the way I think, initially at gut-reaction level. It is my decision how many children to have or whether to work or to homeschool or even to have pink carpet.

Biblically, I know my role is to be the heart of the home. To take care of my husband and my children. To be Brian's helper. Some days I like doing that. Some days, I'd like to leave and never come back. And on those days, I wonder...what about me? I didn't finish college and I still have some aspirations of finishing. Sometimes it makes me feel like a failure. I don't have something that's just mine. Everything I have, I have to share. I wonder if I would have the same selfish attitude to overcome if being able to "take care of myself" hadn't been drilled into my head for as long as I can remember.

With that selfish attitude on my role in this family, is the selfish attitude that I don't want any more of God's blessings, thank you very much. Two are just fine with me. I am just starting to realize how ridiculous that sounds. Why in the world would I want to tell God to keep His blessings? There is no wisdom in that statement. Don't get me wrong, I have good worldly reasons. We are living in a 900 square foot apartment! I have plenty of good reasons to not want more children. I am being convicted HARD CORE on two levels that this way of thinking is wrong, wrong, wrong. One level is the form of birth control we are using. We both feel that this is wrong. This has been on my heart for a while. I have started reading 2 books that addressed this topic in one fashion or another and when I read that part, I put the book back on the shelf. Nope. Not interested in hearing that.

And the second, well, that's the trust issue. I feel like we need to trust God that He will give or not give us what we can handle. I feel certain it says that somewhere in the Bible. Frankly, it's a very simple point, as points go. You know, let God do His thing. One thing that we've been able to tie this to is our feeling of debt and letting God take care of those needs.

Brian and I feel very strongly about not going into any further debt. When we were getting ready to sell the house, we were in a big hurry and had to get a lot of things done that we had intended to get done over time. People were starting to want their money. I told Brian that we needed to get a loan so that we could take care of these immediate needs and then pay off the balance when the house sold. Brian said "no" and we put our faith in God instead of Wells Fargo and everything was taken care of. Only one company asked to be paid at a time. Brian got the moving allowance way ahead of schedule. All these little things happened so that we were able to honor our commitments.

Now. God wants us to put our trust and faith in Him, in all things. In fact, I'm sure I read somewhere that "without faith, it is impossible to please God." He also says things like, "Fear not" and that He will supply all our needs according to His riches in glory. I guess the question is....are we going to trust in God or trust in ourselves? I feel like God is telling me to trust in Him on this particular issue that He's hammering on me. His ways are not our ways and our ways are not His ways. And Brian's thinking is basically, look twice at whatever you're doing that the world agrees with...

My next hot topic is going to be....Should we encourage (or pay for) our daughters to go to college?

The Middle of October

How is it already the middle of October?

They came and replaced the carpet upstairs this week. I got a notice on the door Monday to let me know that it would be done on Tuesday, at some point. This has been so aggravating to me...I feel like the carpet should have been replaced before we moved in because it definitely needed it. The carpet is ugly, to say the least (looks like the contractor's special that my parents' house had when it was built in 1977), but it's better than what it was by leaps and bounds.

In order to get out of the house, I ended up taking the girls to the mall in Fort Worth so I could pick up Darcy's pictures. They turned out so well! I know that I'm partial, but that girl takes some very nice pictures. Of course, I am learning that it has a lot to do with the photographer. We have tried to get Darcy's picture taken in the same dresses that Lily has had her picture taken in. I like to compare them to each other.

Lily's First Birthday


Darcy's First Birthday


And a couple other really cute pictures of Darcy because the photographer was so good:




The last couple of days, Darcy has been running a fever, but no other symptoms. I'm going to assume that it's from teething, but I don't know for sure. I just don't want Lily to get it, if it's not teething. Brian has been sick and the girls, too, but I have managed to escape major illness. I have been feeling so blah lately, I can't describe it. I feel like my head is in a fog and I don't have the energy or the inclination to do much of anything. For a while, I was feeling so good about everything, but lately, I don't care about anything.

I did learn the other day that I can read a magazine while I'm on the tread mill. 20 minutes went by in no time while I was reading Good Housekeeping. If I can read on the tread mill, then maybe I could read on the elliptical...that always seems like the longest 15 minutes of my life.

I'm thinking I need to go find something constructive to do...

10/09/2006

Things have sure slowed down on my blog. Finally. I like the blogging format, but with a diary site like www.inthewire.com or www.opendiary.com, you can really limit who sees what. You can make entries Private, Friends Only, Favorites Only and limit exactly who can comment and who can't. That's probably what I should have done, except I wanted the input of the people who usually read my blog. Oh well. I guess I could use my diaries to really talk about Brian and other things that I'm sure that I don't want everyone who knows me to know.

Brian has been working a ton of hours with this outage that just started late last week; he had nearly 40 hours of overtime last week. I am so thankful that he gets paid that overtime.

I have been working on a schedule to get things running smoother since it seems we have a ton of things that we are involved in. Between 2 Bible studies and my fitness classes and Kid's Day Out and Mom's Night Out and MOPS and on and on and on...I need a different schedule for each day of the week so I can balance working out with cleaning the house and making sure that the girls get up and take naps at the appropriate times, blah, blah, blah. I'm going to make a schedule for each day of the week and then I'm going to put it in my FlyLady Control Journal. And I'm going to use it.

My Body Blast class on Saturday was MURDER. It was terrible. I wanted to leave and quit and never, never, ever come back. But I didn't. Mostly because my trainer was watching the girls for me so that I could go in the first place. Any class that starts out with me running laps is never good. I hate to run. Running is the worst thing in the world. I can't think of anything I'd rather do less...than run. Brian thinks it's fun. Sick, I know. I did go to the gym this morning with the girls. I really hate taking them to the childcare there. It is not up to the standard that I'm used to for child care. There's nothing wrong with it, exactly, except there seems to be a bunch of forlorn-looking kids waiting, barely being supervised, while their parents work out. I do the bare minimum workout when they are there with me and then leave. I tried to get my abs in at home with my Mari Windsor Pilates Ab workout, but Lily wouldn't stop crawling all over me. Now my overall fitness has definitely improved, but not so much that I can do abdominal exercises with a 30# child sitting on my chest.

Today started at just after 6am, which is incredibly early for me. I am not an early riser, nor am I am morning person. I also did not sleep well last night after going to bed at 11:30pm. But I've gotten so much accomplished today. I started out the day reading my Bible. (Which I never do. I almost always read it at night or during the girls' naptime.) I was very behind on laundry; now I'm caught up. The living room has been dusted and vacuumed. I went and worked out. I've got a plan for supper and am just about to start implementing it. The kitchen is clean and the checkbook is balanced. Brian came home in the middle of the day so I didn't work this afternoon again, but he'll be working tonight and after Bible Study, so will I. I am way behind and need to get caught up. And since I got up early, hopefully, I can go to bed early and sleep better.

Maybe tomorrow will go as well.

Early Saturday Morning

Last night I worked out with the trainer. This entire week I have not been able to go to the gym as much as I ususally do and it really showed when I got together with Amy. The truth be known, I didn't want to go at all and had it not been for a prearraged appointment with her, I might not have gone. I guess that's the benefit, for me, of working with the trainer. I have to be accountable to someone who can actually hold me accountable.

I don't know if the workout was harder than usual, or if my absence this week from the gym made it seem harder, but I was not happy when I got home. It felt like everything we did was super tough and I was getting very frustrated. Had I not been paying her for her time and expertise, I feel very strongly that I might have just thrown down that red resistance band and said, "I'm finished. Thanks so much, but I've had enough." But I didn't. I ususally feel very good when I get done working out, like I've accomplished something. This time, I just drug home and felt crummy.

When Brian left this morning at 5:30, I must have sneezed about 8 times so I decided to go ahead and get up. I'm going to go to the Body Blast class this morning. Amy offered to come and watch my girls so that I could go. The girl that teaches that class is a demon. She also teaches Pilates on Tuesday and she's tough in there, too. But I always feel worked over when I leave those classes. And when I go to the classes, I give myself permission to avoid the elliptical machine. Although I don't know why I dislike it so much...it's the biggest measurement of my improvement besides the results on my body.

I am ready for some cooler weather and I think we're going to get that next week. We got our 2nd light bill since we've been here and it was $225. Last month it was $200. We live in a 900 square foot apartment. Our electricity bill wasn't that high in our house. Of course, we had obnoxious windows that never let anything in or out (except spiders) and the doors didn't have big gaps, either. There are benefits to living in an apartment, but the excessively high electric bills aren't one of them. We'll probably be freezing in here in the winter, but at least heat rises and hopefully the girls will stay warm at night. I worry about these things.

Family-Integrated Churches

Here is another opportunity to share your heart. Someone is asking about the benefit of family-integrated churches:

Home Churches Anyone?

I know that I don't know all the ins and outs of it all, but would be interested in hearing more information.

Mom's Night Out

Last night, I had set up an impromptu, un-official Mom's Night Out for some of the girls who weren't able to make it to the official one last week. What a disaster! Actually, the whole day was in the toilet from start to finish. The day started out poorly because of migraine and med leftovers in my system from the day before. Darcy refused to drink her cow's milk, either out of a cup or a bottle and I refused to fix formula. So she sat there and cried and I did, too. Poor Lily didn't know what to make of it all. The day just got worse from there.

My truck was supposed to be finished on Tuesday, but wasn't. Same for Wednesday. Finally it was ready late afternoon Thursday, but with Brian working 12+ hours a day, there was no way to pick it up until well after closing time. They were kind enough to bring it by the house so that they could pick up a check and I could finally have transportation. Seems like I feel worse knowing there is no way to escape all the madness.

Brian was supposed to be home in time for me to go out so he could watch the girls. I did fix supper, including making cornbread so it wasn't like he was going to be stuck eating leftovers or something. It kept getting closer and closer to 7pm and he kept not being here....and I couldn't reach him on his cell phone. Finally, at 7:15 I try his desk again and he answers it...I was so furious. My friend was going to leave her daughter with him so that she could go, and now I had to tell her that wasn't going to happen either. She was a much better sport about it than I was, that's for sure. We ended up taking all the kids for our Mom's Night Out which worked out okay because the other mom that was there did manage to escape her children so she took over watching Lily.

Brian finally showed up and took all 3 girls back to the house so we could finish our dinner in peace so he won lots of points for that.

Darcy had her one year check up today...doing well except the fact that she refuses to drink cold milk and refuses to walk. I can't imagine where in the world that girl gets that stubborn streak. I don't think Lily was nearly as stubborn...I don't even know if that's the right word. There are times that Darcy seems to be openly defiant. It doesn't matter how many times you tell her "no" or spank her hand or her fat little thigh, she keeps going right back to it. She's a happy baby...as long as she's getting what she wants. Isn't she a little young to be digging her heels in like this?

Clarification

I need to clarify a few points...so that we all have the right idea.

Whether or not commenters were speaking out of love, I felt no love. Period. I felt attacked and condemned. I felt like an innocent question asked in a safe environment was made very hostile. With love, I would think that someone might have asked what in the world happened that made me go this way. Instead, I felt browbeat and punch drunk from all the "love". So, to those of you that were acting in "love" you may want to work on your delivery.

Yes, I am struggling with this. Absolutely. I needed some encouragement because, to be completely transparent...no one out here homeschools. I did not want to be a pioneer and I thought if no one out here homeschools, then there must be a reason for it. The strongest Christians that we know send their kids to public school. We have been told that there are many, many Christians in key roles in the school district. The support groups in this area are disorganized at best. And it would be much easier. But I do not feel useless as a mother and I am fully aware of what my calling is. Let me further point out for the whole group: no one has "drug" me into the idea of homeschooling or drug me out. I have always had my own mind and that will continue to be so.

We are very thankful for friends who have shared their experiences with us. But sometimes it's okay to use a gentle hand. Especially when you think you know someone's heart.

Back To Our Regularly Scheduled Programming

Whew!! Glad that's over.

This week started Brian's 12-hour days for this outage. It's not really that much different than what he was working, except now it's required. He still leaves very early in the morning and doesn't get home until the girls are eating supper. By the time he does get home, I usually have some Brian-encouraged activity to go to anyway so we just pass each other in the evenings until I get home again.

Last night when I got home, the pastor and associate pastor were standing in my living room, which was not company ready, by the way. The upstairs was in much better shape since I dusted and vacuumed up there yesterday, but hadn't gotten to the downstairs yet. They were here to talk to Brian, not give the house a white glove inspection. At least that's what I keep telling myself. Can you believe they didn't even call first? What is that all about?

Things are still going well at the gym. In the past month, I've lost 11 pounds, and about 5 inches overall which makes me feel very good and very proud of myself. I am well on my way to getting to where I want to be which makes me very happy. Someone asked how I am able to stay motivated and I believe it has everything in the world to do with my trainer. She has a vested interest in how well I do and I really feel like she cares about me. When I told her how I'd gone 10 minutes on the elliptical (consecutively--an all time record for me), she gave me a huge hug and told me that she was so proud of me. When she and I work together, she's taking time away from her family to devote to me, so if I do things halfway, I'm stealing from her family and mine and that helps keep me motivated. Not to mention, I love how I feel. I really love it (this sounds sick), when I come home and I am sore...that tells me it's all working. I make Brian feel my muscles and I pretend like he's very impressed and not just obliging me.

Darcy had her first birthday last week and we didn't really do the best job of celebrating it. We've just had a ton of prior commitments going on that made it nearly impossible. I'm going to make a cake today so we can sit down as a family and celebrate it. We gave her some gifts the other day and of course, Lily is completely fascinated by them. Isn't that the way it always goes? I end up feeling like the worst mother in the world because Darcy always seems to get the short end of the stick, compared to her sister. For Lily's first birthday, we had a big party with lots of people and food. Lily lived the first 6 months of her life, in her bed, in her room, in our house. Darcy lived the first six months of her life, in 3 different places in a tiny bassenette until she exceeded the weight limit. Darcy is definitely the most well-adjusted, easily adaptable child of the two. She has no problem at all with change and she has the best disposition of any baby I've seen. But she knows her own mind and doesn't want or need your help, thank you very much. I thought she'd be walking by now, chasing Lily, but Lily stays pretty close to her so Darcy doesn't have to go very far. I feel certain that she will walk when she's good and ready and not a second before. Just like Lily did.

My Opinion

First of all...I'm about as surprised as I can be about the influx of comments on this particular topic, especially from people that I had no idea were readers. However, there are still some regular readers that haven't commented and I am very interested in hearing your opinions. (You know who you are.) Please don't refrain from comment because you feel this is now too hostile an environment.

I already knew that people feel strongly whether to homeschool or not and that was reiterated time and time again. People always feel strongly where their children are concerned and I am no exception. But I do not completely agree with any of you. And by "you", I even mean my own husband. It's no big leap to say that my opinion has changed recently and changed very drastically. To be completely honest, I know I would have never come to this conclusion if we hadn't moved here.

Believers are called to be a light to the world and bring people to the Lord. I firmly believe that this directive from Christ applies to children that are saved as well. How are we going to make a difference for Jesus if everywhere we go is bright and we are constantly surrounded by other Believers? Wives that stay home and homeschool their children aren't getting much time to spread the Word. We are surrounded by our children demanding our attention, surrounded by other Believers when we go to our homeschooling co-ops and our church groups and our Mom's Night Out organized by other Believers. A child can share the joy of knowing Jesus, too. Thank the Lord that Jesus didn't just socialize with his disciples and call it a day. Thank God that He saw fit to talk to the woman at the well and hang out with the lepers and the sinners, as well as other Believers. We are called to be Christ-like and there is nothing more Christ-like than loving other people, the unsaved and the saved, even when it's messy for us. That's what draws people to Christ. Being different. People can get condemnation and finger-pointing in the world. Christians are to be different.

Don't get me wrong. There was a time (about 10 days ago) when I was very pro-homeschooling. I thought that I needed to be the primary influence in their life because I thought that I could successfully protect them from every evil. If God can protect us and keep us safe in every other situation, then why can't we entrust our children to Him as well? I think if we address the idea of a heart change and not robotic obedience because of fear of punishment, our children will thrive and be a light, no matter where they go to school.

But my husband disagrees wtih me...greatly. You might even call it vehemently. It's not that it's a major issue right now (although it certainly feels like it) since our oldest daughter is just barely 2 years old. I can see one of two things happening here. Either we get on the same page and come to a decision, or this becomes a lesson in submission for me. I'm praying that we get on the same page because those submission lessons are never fun.

Homeschooling

I am interested in the reasons that people are choosing to homeschool and the reasons they are not choosing to homeschool. I want to compare to my own thoughts.

Discuss.

Explanation of God

Got this email today:

It was written by an 8-year- old named Danny Dutton, who lives in Chula Vista, CA. He wrote it for his third grade homework assignment, to "explain God."

EXPLANATION OF GOD:
"One of God's main jobs is making people. He makes them to replace the ones that die, so there will be enough people to take care of things on earth He doesn't make grownups, just babies. I think because they are smaller and easier to make. That way he doesn't have to take up his valuable time teaching them to talk and walk. He can just leave that to mothers and fathers."


"God's second most important job is listening to prayers. An awful lot of this goes on, since some people, like preachers and things, pray at times beside bedtime. God doesn't have time to listen to the radio or TV because of this. Because he hears everything, there must be a terrible lot of noise in his ears, unless he has thought of a way to turn it off."


"God sees everything and hears everything and is everywhere which keeps Him pretty busy. So you shouldn't go wasting his time by going over your mom and dad's head asking for something they said you couldn't have."


"Atheists are people who don't believe in God. I don't think there are any in Chula Vista. At least there aren't any who come to our church."

"Jesus is God's Son. He used to do all the hard work, like walking on water and performing miracles and trying to teach the people w ho didn't want to learn about God. They finally got tired of him preaching to them and they crucified him. But he was good and kind, like his father, and he told his father that they didn't know what they were doing and to forgive them and God said O.K."


"His dad (God) appreciated everything that he had done and all his hard work on earth so he told him he didn't have to go out on the road anymore. He could stay in heaven. So he did. And now he helps his dad out by listening to prayers and seeing things which are important for God to take care of and which ones he can take care of himself without having to bother God. Like a secretary, only more important."


"You can pray anytime you want and they are sure to help you because they got it worked out so one of them is on duty all the time."

"You should always go to church on Sunday because it makes God happy, and if there's anybody you want to make happy, it's God!


Don't skip church to do something you think will be more fun like going to the beach. This is wrong. And besides the sun doesn't come out at the beach until noon anyway."


"If you don't believe in God, besides being an atheist, you will be very lonely, because your parents can't go everywhere with you, like to camp, but God can. It is good to know He's around you when you're scared, in the dark or when you can't swim and you get thrown into real deep water by big kids."


"But...you shouldn't just always think of what God can do for you I figure God put me here and he can take me back anytime he pleases. And..that's why I believe in God."

Oval Is A Shape

Sometimes I forget there's spiritual warfare going on around me. Today was a terrible day. The girls are sick and not much I am doing is helping. The house was a wreck...I know I covered this in an earlier post about how badly the day was going. Anyway, I didn't get dinner started in a timely manner and Brian got home later than he said he would. I was supposed to be going to Bible Study tonight (since the girls are sick) and then go to the gym. I got the green beans started and first let them boil over all over the stove and then I let them burn black while I went upstairs to help Brian get the girls up from their nap (at 6:15). As I was leaving, I gave Brian some money so he could order a pizza. It seems nothing I have touched today has gone well.

I still don't have anyone to watch Darcy while I am gone and I am very hesitant to try and find someone at this point. It would totally be a last minute thing and I would definitely not know anything about them. For a couple of hours, that would be one thing, but this would be all day for 2 days and I'm just not comfortable with that, especially with Brian working 40 minutes away. I keep thinking that I won't go to Nashville if I can't find someone to watch Darcy, but I don't think I'm going to find someone. I do have a contingency plan, but I don't want to use it.

I made it to Bible study and sat by (and talked to) a new person. Actually, she sat by (and talked to) me first. It's such a good thing that everyone is so friendly here or I'd be sitting by myself at a lot of these functions. Bible study was good...I like the girl/lady/person that leads it. It's a lot different (and shorter) than what I'm used to, and what we're learning is extremely applicable to my life right now.

I made it to the gym and a couple of things surprised me. First things first, I went for 10 minutes (almost completely non-stop) on the elliptical machine. The very first time I got on there, I could not go for more than 45 seconds. I thought my thighs were going to abandon ship. Today, I was glad to see the end of 10 minutes, but I wasn't dying to see the end. That is a completely new phenomenon. When I went to the treadmill to do the 2nd half of my cardio, I didn't even start breathing hard until the last few minutes. I kept my heart rate in the target zone, but not too far above (like last week) and I still felt fine. When I went to the weights, I did the weights that I had been doing, but this time, my muscles weren't begging me to stop. My workout was almost (dare I say) easy. And the scariest thing of all....after the Body Blast class on Saturday, I wasn't even sore. I WASN'T EVEN SORE!! Of course, we didn't do all that hopping around that we did the first 2 times, but still...I WASN'T EVEN SORE!! Tonight, when I told Brian all this, he asked me, "Do you know why that is?" He said it's because I'm in better shape now than I was 2 weeks ago. Oval, my friends, is a shape, too.

Meltdown Mode

It hasn't actually happened yet...but I'm getting close. The house is a wreck, the girls are sick and cranky with noses running everywhere and I've got to get things together to be gone for several days and make sure that the house is relatively clean and organized so I won't be embarrassed when Brian's parents come (even though I won't even be here) and make sure there is food in the house, ready to eat, so Brian won't be tempted to go out every meal. Whew! That looks just as bad all written out.

One of the things that I don't like about this house is that if there is just a few things not put where they go, the whole place looks like a disaster. Oh, and the fact that we're still waiting for the carpet to be replaced upstairs and the downstairs bathroom has this very nasty smell due to the major leak that was coming from the upstairs bathroom. We have ants that come and feast on Darcy's crumbs before the meal is even over. But other than that...it's not too bad a place. On the outskirts of town, Brian and I found some new townhouse-looking apartments. He wants to check them out, but I told him that I'm not moving from one apartment to another. The next time I move, it's going to be into a house and for a long while. Once they get everything taken care of in this place, it won't be too bad. Oh, and when we get some things up on the walls.

Deep breath. I can do this.

It's Just Like Cheerleader Camp...

It was only a matter of time before the girls got sick. I took Lily to the doctor on Thursday and got some cough medicine that's not doing her any good. Yesterday, Lily was coughing so hard in the car that she threw up. And now Darcy's sick with the cough, congestion, runny nose and fever. All of this before I'm supposed to be gone for 4 days this next weekend. This is making it very difficult for me to go, even though I've already paid my money.

We didn't take the girls to church this morning, but I went to Sunday school to see if I could talk to a girl about watching Darcy for me at the end of the week. Then I went shopping. We did a little shopping yesterday, but I didn't get done what I needed to, so back to Fort Worth I went. Between Lily throwing up in Brian's brand new car and neither of the girls getting a nap, yesterday's excursion was not a pleasure. Today...much better. Except Darcy's 101.7 fever when I got home. I wasn't going to go to church because it was rainy and nasty and I wanted to see my babies, but they were having a meeting about the MOPS convention after the service.

Now I don't want to go.

First of all, we are meeting at 4:30 in the morning to leave. That is unappealing in itself. The second and most important thing: Our MOPS Coordinator wants us all to dress alike!!! She said that most of the "girls" there all dress the same and do cutesy stuff with bows and on this day we're all going to wear black shirts and on the next day we're all going to wear white shirts and it's going to be so fun!!!! And everyone but me thought it was a great idea. I was crying on the phone to Brian on the way home from church telling him how much I did not want to do that. She actually said that it is "just like cheerleader camp." I actually came home and was crying about how I didn't want to go because I wasn't going to fit in and if I wanted to fit in, I was going to have to do all this stuff that just isn't me. I'm not bows and foo-foo and matching clothes and all that stuff. It's fine for some people, but not for me. And the thought that I have to do this is making me very unhappy. I'm wondering if I shouldn't have waited to do this thing until next year when we're more established there, people would know me better and know how ridiculous it is to suggest that I do anything remotely resembling anything cheerleader-y and it would be easier for me to find a babysitter.

Brian's parents are coming this weekend so they can see Darcy for her birthday. Technically it isn't until next Friday, but Brian will probably be working 7-12s by then anyway. They are coming on Friday and leaving on Monday and since I'm not getting back until around 9pm on Sunday night, that shortens the amount of entertaining I personally have to do. Brian is having trouble with his phone and since his brother lives and works in Plano, that's where Brian needs to go to have the phone looked at. Everyone will probably make a big pilgrimage to Plano to see Uncle Lonnie.

I'm sure that this is the devil getting between me and this trip and I'm trying to recognize that, but I'm also trying to be myself and not some plastic version of me that doesn't exist. This anti-foofoo thing isn't just affecting my feelings on this trip, but it's also affecting the way I feel about my girls and myself. I'm wondering why God gave someone like me girls...

It's Finally Happened...

...I've hurt myself. I've finally pulled a muscle...alongside my kneecap. I thought maybe it had torn, but Brian says that I'd be on the ground writhing about in pain so I know that's not the case. The funny part is...I wasn't even working out when that happened. I was carrying Darcy and I started feeling this shooting pain go through my knee. When I bent it to sit down, the pain was excruciating. It's a little better today. I made Brian take me to the gym to find my trainer so she could tell me what to do for it. I iced it and then last night after church, I took a muscle relaxer. I told Brian last night that I needed it to be better by today so that I could go workout. That's certainly a change from before.

After 3 months of good health, Lily has developed a cough. I don't want to be paranoid, but she almost never gets better by waiting. And I don't want her to give whatever she's got to Darcy so it's probably best to nip it in the bud now. So we'll be seeing the doctor this afternoon. Darcy has had some problem because she has been so fussy that I can't stand it. I just go into meltdown mode whenever both of them are whining, fussing and crying at the same time. And with Lily not feeling well, I am frequently at my wit's end. Actually, I think I'm doing better with coping than before we moved. Brian had a much more flexible schedule and if he wouldn't come home right when I wanted him to, I would get very mad at him. Now, I know that he's not coming home until the end of the day, barring some emergency. (I did verify that he would have come home yesterday if I'd torn something in my knee.)

I sent an email to my parents with a couple pictures of the girls. No response. I don't know what I'm expecting. I guess I'm still surprised that after everything my brother has done, they're going to disown me. My story of my family is blog all by itself.

This weekend we are going to Fort Worth for shopping. It's starting to get a little cooler and Lily doesn't have any fall/winter clothes. I need a few things, too. Tonight, we don't have anything going on so I think I'm going to make Brian his favorite dinner: skillet barbecued pot roast and all the fixings (except green bean bundles). I'm even going to make chocolate fondue for after the girls go to bed. Actually, I think that Lily would like fondue because she loves "sauce". Anything you can put on anything else is sauce. Doesn't matter if it's mayonnaise or cream cheese or queso. It's all sauce. And she "needs" it. That girl just cracks me up sometimes. And Darcy...she's something else, too. That child has no fear of anything. She loves to throw her head back or hang her head off the end of our legs. Her newest trick is giving me an ulcer. Throwing her body around in the bath tub like it's a slip-n-slide. I was in the bedroom and I kept hearing her head bounce off the side of the tub. Brian said it was like trying to hold a greased pig. And she kept hitting her head and it didn't even bother her!!! When she finally started to cry is when Brian took her out of tub so that she could be dried off. Darcy has a mind of her own, that's for sure. I'll close this with a picture of Lily practicing to be a mama....

Potpourri

This week has been busy, busy, busy. Last Sunday, I was so stiff and sore, I could barely move. After church, Brian and I drove to Fort Worth to meet Brian's younger brother who was getting us the deal on the cell phones. I like the new phone, but I haven't had the time (nor the inclination) to enter my address book into it. All in good time, I guess. If you're interested in our new numbers, let me know (either by email or by noting...I've got everyone's email that reads, I think) and I'll be glad to give it to you.

In Sunday school last week, we got the book that the Sunday School class is doing. It is called "Love & Respect". Brian and I read some of it on the drive to Fort Worth. It actually had one of our arguments in there...nearly verbatim. I think God is trying to show me something in the way that I communicate with Brian. I know that I'm not the only person that deals with this thing so I thought about sending an email to all my old friends and let them know about taking a look at this book...but I see that another church I know is doing a study with this book. We haven't read very much, but I highly recommend that wives take a look at it...especially if they want to better things in their marriage. Ladies, we are not giving our husbands what they need and therefore, we are not getting what we need. I know that we have touched on this in Bible Study a couple of times, but maybe we have glossed over the really important part. (At least I didn't get the important part.) The Bible tells us to respect our husbands. And I know that we think we are...but we're not. What we're doing is loving them and it's not the same thing. So much emphasis is put on love when it's our respect that they crave. They would do without our love just to have our respect!!! Absolutely mind boggling to me. Something God revealed to me is this: you can learn everything in the world about love languages and try to talk to your husband with that...but the key to that is that men don't question our love...they question our respect, because we do things that are disrespectful. Me...I have tone of voice problems, but I think my tone of voice does belie the way I feel alot of times and my poor attitude is doing damage to our marriage. I hold Brian to a standard that I don't hold myself to and expect him to get accomplished things that I can't or don't, especially when he is alone with the girls. And I make my displeasure known by questioning everything that he is done or doing. I harp on the things that aren't done instead of thanking him for what is done. How is that showing him that I respect him and his contribution? By demanding that he come home and take over for me, is that showing respect for him going out in the world and earn a living? He needs time to decompress. It certainly isn't as if he isn't willing to help out once he gets home. It's all the little things and the little critcims that are tearing him down. I guess I could go on and on. I heard that the Bible study saw a video that probably discussed this. Brian and I heard that author on the radio a week after we moved here when I was taking him to the airport. I think God is really trying to tell me something... The really neat thing is that I see these opportunities coming up for my old friends to learn the same things that I'm learning here!!! I didn't intend to go into all this detail, but God is trying to work in this marriage on this issue and I know that I'm not the only one.

I was going to go back to the gym on Tuesday, but Brian and I went to Dallas to look at a car that I found on eBay. End result? We now have a 2nd vehicle!!! We found a 1997 GMC Suburban for about half what we were going to pay for Brian's company car. It's got 170k miles on it, but seems to be in good condition. Obviously, it has a lot more room than the Impala and a Suburban was more what we really wanted anyway, but didn't think that we would find one that we could afford and that looked nice. We saved enough money by buying this vehicle that we can take it to a mechanic and get it inspected very closely and fix anything that is an immediate need. And I have a car that's paid for!!! The dealership put new tires on it and delivered it to our apartment so we wouldn't have to drive back to Dallas (about 2 hours away).

And with the new car I can put Lily into the preschool program, go to Bible Study during the day, go to MOPS during the day, workout during the day (because the gym has child car during certain parts of the day) and pretty much anything else that I have a mind to do. It's really fascinating how God provided this truck. We have been waiting since the end of May for Brian's car. (Everyone knows how we have been waiting!) In fact, we are still waiting although it's scheduled to be delivered sometime in the very near future. I found this truck on eBay in Dallas. It is much easier to get to Dallas from here than from where we were living...and this dealership would have normally sent this truck straight to auction, but decided to give it a go on eBay. The auction price was way below retail and there were no bids on it. Even while I waited for Brian to get off work so we could look at it, there were no bids. We were able to get someone from the church to come watch the girls at the last minute so that Brian and I wouldn't have to worry about them (since we didn't get home until midnight). And then we got to the dealership and the truck was exactly like the ad said and the sales manager came in and told us exactly what we were getting. Closing the deal was an easy process involving me writing a check and signing some paperwork. What a blessing.

Thursday: Back to the gym. I followed the program given to me by the trainer and felt good when I left there. I walked a mile and a half on the treadmill increasing both speed and incline. When I finished, I knew I'd gotten a good cardio workout and then I did 3 sets of 12 reps on 3 upper body machines and 3 lower body machines. I'd felt the "burn" and was proud of myself.

Friday: Worked out with Amy. That girl is tough. She really pushes me and when I accomplish it, I feel so good about myself. She said I had already improved from the previous week and that makes me feel like I'm making progress. I like coming home all sweaty with muscles shaking and tight because that makes me feel like I've done something.

Saturday: After some hemming and hawing, I went to the Body Blast class. Last Saturday, I felt completely out of my league, even though I felt good for having made it through the whole class. This week, it was taught by someone else so it was different, but still hard. The hardest part for me last week was that they ran some laps in the parking lot to warm up. I am so not a runner so I was about done after the running. But I talked to the instructor about warming up on treadmill instead of running laps, but since there were so few of us in the class, everyone warmed up on the treadmill. That worked out much better for me. Of course, after that, I was worn out. My arms were so sore...I could hardly pick the girls up...but that's a good thing. Brian says that pain is weakness leaving the body!! I feel much better today and am looking forward to trying a kickboxing class tomorrow morning even though I am still a little sore from Saturday.

I think God has been working on our hearts regarding this church. I have felt since Day One that this was the place that God had for us. Brian was reluctant to commit. Until this morning. So, we are officially members of this church and it makes me very happy. It is also very scary to me because I am much more comfortable to hang back and not take the lead, but now, I want to be involved with everything! I think my time to rest is past and it's my season to work. They have a nursing home ministry where they go every Sunday and sing songs and bring a brief message. This morning they told of a need to have more people participate so I went. God has really given me a heart for the elderly and I'm so pleased that this is a place where I can serve. In fact, we may be able to start an extension of that with a shut-in type ministry like our old church.

This week starts the women's Bible study and MOPS and I'm looking very forward to it all. I am very anxious to get involved. I think it's going to work out that I'm going to be able to go to Nashville to the MOPS convention and I'll have the opportunity to get to know other moms in the church during this trip. I know that God has some very exciting things for us here and I am so anxious to be used.

My New Mistresses

Yesterday I met with the trainer for the first time. She reminds me very much of my very dear friend, Kari B. They have the same style of encouragement and talking and I really feel comfortable with her. She's very kind and really wants to help me. She worked me out for 2 hours last night. I don't know if I'll always get that kind of treatment, but it was nice. They had a Body Blast Boot Camp class this morning that I thought I would check out, and that my trainer encouraged me to check out.

I showed up this morning thinking that I was going to give it a try, that I'd done okay last night and that I wasn't sore this morning, just a little stiff. I was very, very, very naive. I was so out of my league, I should have turned around and went home. But I didn't. Apparently, this was not a beginner class, but more an intermediate to advanced-level class. Oops. But I stayed and toughed it out. Of course I did have a moment. Anytime I get really frustrated, I am very likely to start crying. That was very nearly the case this morning when all these incredibly fit people are doing things that I could only stand and watch. I was definitely wondering what in the world had possessed me to think about doing this.

Now I can't move.

I shudder to think how I'm going to feel tomorrow. I was going to take kickboxing classes next week, but I was very politely told this morning that I might want to wait on that. But you know what? I'm not going to wait. I'm going to go to those classes just like I intended.

What Have I Done???

Instead of going to Weight Watchers last night, I went another route...and I'm very, very frightened. I joined a gym. Not only did I join a gym, but I signed up for personal training. Did I say that I was very, very scared? I am the most unathletic person I know. I have always struggled with my weight to one degree or another and I have never liked (or stuck) with any form of exercise. So I have no idea what is possessing me to do this. But it's a done deal now...I have my first session with the trainer tonight. One of the most encouraging things was that she didn't weigh 500 pounds. (I have seen women teaching aerobic and kickboxing classes that looked like me...definitely not encouraging.) Amy has a 13-month old baby so that was also reassuring. The gym offers a ton of classes and they even have a day care so I'm not completely limited to evening classes. Unfortunately, my biggest limitation is the fact that we still only have one car. Can I say that I'm getting very.very.very tired of that?

The upside is that I'm not missing MOPS or Bible Study. This church has evening MOPS and Bible Study for the ladies that work. And I think that is incredibly awesome. That was a problem that I had at our previous church. When I was pregnant with Lily, I wanted to go to Bible Study, but of course, the one I was interested in was only available in the morning. And since I was working, it felt like that was a punishment. "What? You don't care enough about your family to do your duty as a woman and stay home to take care of your family? Well, until you get that part right, you don't need to learn anything else."

The MOPS coordinator has asked me to go with their group to the national MOPS convention in a few weeks in Nashville. Brian thinks I should go. She says that she sees me as a future leader in MOPS and wants me to be a part of this....I would like to go, but I am very scared of what that means. Not to mention...I don't know any of these people! I don't know if I want to be stuck in a car for a long time with people that I don't know. Of course, there is probably no better way to get to know them. One of the major drawbacks is that someone is going to have to watch the girls because very likely, Brian will be working 7-12s preparing for an upcoming outage. If he's going to be gone 12 hours a day, 7 days a week, I'm going to have to pay a babysitter to watch and take care of the girls. It's bad enough that he's not going to be around, but for me to be gone, too? That just seems like too much for them. If Brian was working regular hours, I would have less reservations. And I haven't even mentioned the fact that I don't even know any of the girls that babysit...

I thought we were going to be able to come home for Darcy's birthday at the end of the month, but it doesn't look like that's going to happen. Brian is gearing up for this big outage and I don't want to have to travel all that way with the girls by myself and then plan a party. It doesn't seem fair to Darcy to not have a big party for her first birthday like Lily did. I don't want to set a precedent that Darcy gets the short end of the stick compared to Lily her whole life.

Maybe we'll be able to come home for the holidays. Brian hasn't taken any of his vacation for the year (since we didn't have a baby this year!) and he's got another school to go to in December. I'm trying to talk him into us all going down there and him taking his vacation after the school. We'll see what happens.

Watching My Weight

I think I'm going to pay a visit to the local Weight Watchers group. I need a refresher course. My version of the plan has included Peanut Buster Parfaits every night and lots of real Coke. And it hasn't been extremely effective. I'm afraid to get on the scale and find out what the actual number is. I do have an exercise plan forming in the back of my mind. Several places here in town offer a Cardio Kickboxing class. Brian and I took one in Abilene that we really adored. We secretly referred to the instructor as Mistress because we felt certain that she was doing this as a "day" job, but that her real work was doing something else.... It was the perfect stress relief at the end of a regular day, not to mention the benefit at the end of a stressful day.

Brian can go to the workout center at the plant for about $20 a month. My 30th birthday is creeping up on me and I'm not going to look like this or feel like this when I'm there. This is no way to live.

This & That

It's 10am in the morning and I'm still sitting around in my pajamas. Except pajamas indicates pants of some kind, doesn't it? I don't think FlyLady would approve. I definitely don't have my shoes on...and hair and make-up done? That's some sort of girly fantasy. My bed is not made and I haven't swished or swiped anything. I hope the maintenace man doesn't decide to stop by...he'll get a big surprise if he does. For some reason, I cannot get my life organized here. I manage to look pulled together by the time Brian gets here, but only just. The girls are pretty much on a schedule/routine, but I can't seem to put myself on one. I've been doing okay in keeping the house picked up, but here, it's an absolute necessity. Taking care of myself, well, that's just another thing all together.

I have spent the whole morning on the phone with a collection agency and our insurance company. It was not pretty. The good thing is that the insurance company and I are on the same page. The bad thing is that it's not the same page as the collection agency. When I reviewed the Statement of Benefits, I realized why I haven't paid the bill. The bill we got from the hospital (and subsequently, the collection agency) and what the insurance company is saying we owe, aren't the same thing. In fact, it's about $100 off. Except I've already gone ahead and paid the bill sent by the collection agency. In addition, we received a nasty gram from the collection agency some time back for $6 that we owed for Lily at some point in the distant past. I never received a bill for that, blah, blah, blah, but I went ahead and mailed a payment to the collection agency for $6.00. Except apparenly, this account has been passed on...

This story sounded much more interesting in my head....

We went to church last night. Their Fellowship Suppers last from 5:30pm until church starts at 7:00pm. That was really nice. The food was really good with huge portions and it was cheap...$2/a plate. One of the things that I liked was that the pastor told the entire church on Sunday that the ladies that did the cooking and meal prep did not need to be doing the cleaning up. The deacons and men needed to set an example and help clean up. And Brian did. The more that we go, the more that I like it there. Brian still wants to visit other churches, but somehow that seems wrong to me. We would definitely be challenged here and I think that we need that.

Brian and I are getting new cell phones. Brian's brother works for T-Mobile in Plano and he is getting us great deals. Brian is getting a free Blackberry and I am getting a pink Razr. Brian laughs at me because he knows that I hate pink. Now before anyone gets their hackles up wondering how anyone in the world could possibly hate pink...it's just not me. That's for girly-girls and I am definitely not a girly-girl. But I like things that are different and how many cell phones do you see around that are pink? With the free phones, it's either pink or silver and I just don't want something that everyone else has.

Yuck! I just had to kill a cricket in front of Lily and not act like I was totally creeped out. I have an unhealthy, irrational fear of grasshoppers (not like the pickle girl on the Maury show...which, by the way was on this week!), but enough that screaming and flailing will occur if I see one. And in my opinion, crickets are closely related. It's enough that I'm completely neurotic...I don't really want to pass that on to my girls!

We have settled in, more or less. I've had to do some extremely creative things in terms of finding a place for everything. (One creative thing involved carrying the item to the dumpster.) We are definitely not used to living this small. Well, with the kids, anyway. I have decided that there is a fine line between cramped and cozy. Brian says it's crozy...I think it's crazy. Well, that's how I felt with 500 boxes stacked up to the ceiling in every available spot. Since we have moved in, I have only cooked one meal. I have not worked out (completely) the girls' new schedule. For the first time ever, I was wishing that Darcy was ready to go to one nap a day.

We have found a church that I think will end up meeting our needs. This church is full of the one of the things that we are growing to love about this town....everyone is so very friendly. They're friendly at McDonalds (that girl was downright bubbly) and really know the meaning of the word (phrase?) Customer Service at......Wal-Mart. No, really. It was at Wal-Mart. Two guys carried my groceries out and loaded them up in the car...and said it was "their pleasure". Amazing.

The church is growing and seems to be about the size of our other church which is pretty amazing in itself because this town has about 18,000 people, and this is not one of the biggest churches in town. They have every kind of ministry that you could possibly think of and they are really seeking God's will. Brian doesn't want to commit to them until we visit some other churches, but even if we do visit some place else, I think we'll end up back here.

The girls finally are asleep...for some reason Lily can't take a nap without a spanking these days. Oh, here's a very funny story. Lily has taken to removing some of her clothes when she is in bed. Sometimes it's just her short or shoes or her shirt. Last night, after the girls had gone to sleep and before Brian and I were going to bed, I went in there to cover them up. I pulled back the cover on Lily and she was as naked as she could be!!! She had taken her nightgown off and her diaper. Needless to say, we had to get her up, dress her again and change the bed. Imagine my surpise to see that child naked as a jaybird under that blanket. It gave me a laugh that I definitely needed.