I believe I have finally come to the crux.
My husband assures me that I am not a failure every single day, all day, as I believe. I made him promise which in this house means you cannot lie. Period.
But I look around and see all the things I know need to be done and don't get done. Except monitoring my children in some meaningful way makes doing things even in the next room difficult with their blood-curdling screams piercing me like a needle to my brain. I do not tolerate that well. Mama doesn't really like a lot of noise. The general, run-of-the-mill housekeeping does not get done regularly until I am completely sick of it. That takes a long time. In order for me to be effective at home and clean well, I need to be alone, or at least mostly so.
I do "waste" a lot of time doing what I am doing now. Absorbing myself in my online universe where some people have better lives than me, others have worse, some people have great ideas, or I just find something fascinating and I Follow.That.Rabbit!
Needless to say, I feel much guilt about the state of my affairs.
But is this guilt justified?
Am I being convicted of a lack of discipline?
Is it okay to not get laundry done again? Not cook supper again? Not do school again? Not to read my Bible again?
Do I need to develop more discipline or learn to be content with what I can manage?
4 comments:
My quote for this kind of thing is, "If it doesn't push your forward, drop it!"
There is a big difference between conviction and condemnation. Conviction inspires, encourages, and makes you say, "I can do that, so I'm gonna!" Condemnation says, "You stink at that."
So, what I tell my wife, who also struggles with getting things done, is to take a few minutes and do one or two things. For instance: Spend five minutes cleaning the kitchen. That's it. It's amazing what can be done in 5-15 minutes.
And then build off those successes. But if everything is just beating you down, don't bother. Laundry isn't worth that. Find the conviction, and drop the condemnation!
~Luke
I'm with you, girl.
Seriously.
I think the answers to these questions change over time. Right now, the answer to "is it okay not to get school done" is probably: yes that's fine. But in three years, school will be the priority (instead of, maybe, laundry - as one can only hope). Does that make sense? Right now, you MUST do laundry every day just so everyone has clean clothes, so that's the priority. In a couple of years, when your children can go for more than exactly 4 1/2 minutes without spilling something or rolling in a mud puddle (maybe that doesn't happen at your house), then laundry won't be the issue, it will be school...or food...or something else.
I have to constantly re-evaluate my priorities. I'm having to start focusing more on school for my 2nd-grader, which might mean not as many trips to Granny's during the week. It means changing a couple of things...and letting go of what I can't change - like the fact that my crawling 12-month-old literally has food particles on his onesie that he picked up while crawling around my kitchen floor. Yes, it's gross. I'll mop as soon as I can. In the meantime, I think I'll try to remember that it keeps him happy when he can find Cheerios on the floor to eat...
I am with you , on this. I, to have trouble getting things done.
Laundry for example I may wash,dry and fold but it does not get put away till a week later,when the kids actually need clothes in their drawers. Most of the time i just dig thru the piles.
I do not mop every week. Ha maybe once a month if i am lucky. I am lucky to get a bath twice a week.
But remember your kids are only little once,and there will be a time when you have nothing better to do than wash your clothes,sweep the floors etc.
Your a great mother to 3 girls. Don't sweat the small stuff.
You are creating memories,and that is worth way more than laundry,dusting,and so on.
I love you girl...Kari
I know this scenario all too well. I've been thinking a lot about making sure I only attempt "bite-size" chunks of things at a time. Somedays this means everything is messy, other days it might mean more gets done. I don't know if that makes any sense, but it is helping me, just a bit. Know you aren't alone!
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