What Have I Done???

Instead of going to Weight Watchers last night, I went another route...and I'm very, very frightened. I joined a gym. Not only did I join a gym, but I signed up for personal training. Did I say that I was very, very scared? I am the most unathletic person I know. I have always struggled with my weight to one degree or another and I have never liked (or stuck) with any form of exercise. So I have no idea what is possessing me to do this. But it's a done deal now...I have my first session with the trainer tonight. One of the most encouraging things was that she didn't weigh 500 pounds. (I have seen women teaching aerobic and kickboxing classes that looked like me...definitely not encouraging.) Amy has a 13-month old baby so that was also reassuring. The gym offers a ton of classes and they even have a day care so I'm not completely limited to evening classes. Unfortunately, my biggest limitation is the fact that we still only have one car. Can I say that I'm getting very.very.very tired of that?

The upside is that I'm not missing MOPS or Bible Study. This church has evening MOPS and Bible Study for the ladies that work. And I think that is incredibly awesome. That was a problem that I had at our previous church. When I was pregnant with Lily, I wanted to go to Bible Study, but of course, the one I was interested in was only available in the morning. And since I was working, it felt like that was a punishment. "What? You don't care enough about your family to do your duty as a woman and stay home to take care of your family? Well, until you get that part right, you don't need to learn anything else."

The MOPS coordinator has asked me to go with their group to the national MOPS convention in a few weeks in Nashville. Brian thinks I should go. She says that she sees me as a future leader in MOPS and wants me to be a part of this....I would like to go, but I am very scared of what that means. Not to mention...I don't know any of these people! I don't know if I want to be stuck in a car for a long time with people that I don't know. Of course, there is probably no better way to get to know them. One of the major drawbacks is that someone is going to have to watch the girls because very likely, Brian will be working 7-12s preparing for an upcoming outage. If he's going to be gone 12 hours a day, 7 days a week, I'm going to have to pay a babysitter to watch and take care of the girls. It's bad enough that he's not going to be around, but for me to be gone, too? That just seems like too much for them. If Brian was working regular hours, I would have less reservations. And I haven't even mentioned the fact that I don't even know any of the girls that babysit...

I thought we were going to be able to come home for Darcy's birthday at the end of the month, but it doesn't look like that's going to happen. Brian is gearing up for this big outage and I don't want to have to travel all that way with the girls by myself and then plan a party. It doesn't seem fair to Darcy to not have a big party for her first birthday like Lily did. I don't want to set a precedent that Darcy gets the short end of the stick compared to Lily her whole life.

Maybe we'll be able to come home for the holidays. Brian hasn't taken any of his vacation for the year (since we didn't have a baby this year!) and he's got another school to go to in December. I'm trying to talk him into us all going down there and him taking his vacation after the school. We'll see what happens.