Getting Organized

I am, what some people might refer to, as an organized person. I asked Brian and he agrees this is true. I am detail-oriented and like to have a plan. Unlike some people, I am not obsessive about it. There is one area to my life that I am obessesive about: finances. In that regard, everything must balance to the penny (I am not kidding about this!) or I will find it. I am the type of person who actually reads and analyzes the Statement of Benefits from the insurance company and I reconcile our checkbook to the paper bank statement. I am good with numbers and more importantly, I like them. Well, numbers associated with money. I'm not a fan of algebra or geometry.

All that to say, I am working out the organizing kinks for the fall. Both of the older girls will be attending morning preschool 2 days per week and Lily will be playing soccer this fall. Also, I plan to start Lily on some structured learning this year on the other days and want to work within the confines of an executable, written plan. I am making my menus a month at a time now so that we can save money by buying everything in bulk that we can. In addition to keeping my plans for her education accessible, I also need to maintain the household by tracking all other details. I am in desperate need of some way to keep it all straight. I have certain ideas about what I want in a "planner" and in May, I found a homeschooling-family organizer that I didn't hate. I was thrilled to see that it was published by the same people who have published the family organizers I've used for the last 3 years, even though the homeschooling version didn't do everything I wanted. I knew I could make it work.

But alas, Amy Knapp's Homeschooling Organizer has left a bitter taste in my mouth after not publishing a new one for the 2008-2009 school year and also not responding to my repeated emails (okay, two) asking begging for the new one to be made available after information on her website promised that they would be made available at the end of July.

So I have created my own organizer.

And it will live in a binder.

Very few people know how I feel about binders. Brian knows. Here is a quote from him, "Yeah. Binders. She doesn't like them. At all."

Why don't I like binders? Because they represent a collosal waste of time. Punching holes in paper to save in a binder wastes time. Oodles and oodles of time is wasted punching holes in paper that could be quickly saved by throwing into a file folder. There has never been an office where I have worked that I did not try with all my might to get the binders under my immediate jurisdiction outlawed. Binders facilitate c-r-a-p being saved that would be better served in the trash.

As a rule, I do not like binders. However, for this purpose, I see the need and therefore, the benefit of them. Binders allow information to be added and removed as is necessary. Amy Knapp's Organizer is spiral-bound. You may not permanently add any whole pages of new information and any removed information is permanently out. The set-up is a weekly calendar spread out on two 8.5" x 11". On the left page, there is an area for lesson plans and grocery/supply list (which is removable) and the right page is the weekly calendar column, a column for a To Do List and a Menu column. Before month-end, there is a two-page spread of the next month's calendar for pre-planning, I guess.

Before I started using the homeschooling organizer, I never used the two-page calendar provided in the other organizers. Now, I need about 2 or 3 copies of it. The binder will allow me, with tabs(!), to have and utilize a two-page calendar for menus and another for my lesson plans which I write a month at a time.

I am taking the best of two good things (Amy Knapp's Homeschooling Organizer and FlyLady's Control Journal) and making them into one Excellent.Useful.Product. I have (with Brian's help) already created the template for the actual organizer. FlyLady's idea to keep important information handy is a great one. Before, I had a planner and a Control Journal that I never used. Now I'll have my Excellent.Useful.Product and everything is right where I need it.

To complete it, I'll just need to get better, heavier paper that can stand to being manhandled, kidhandled and momhandled. And a funky binder. I cannot continue on with my boring yellow binder. I'll splurge and get a cool, funky binder.

Excellent.Useful.Products could be tailored to any family...

What Joy (?)

I'm doing a Beth Moore Bible study on faith and the impact in my heart has been HUGE. It's causing me to think and examine my heart and God in an entirely different way and the results are astounding. It's funny; I initally decided to do the Bible study so that I could meet people. Instead, I've met God.

This morning, however, I was getting my daily dose of Stuff Christians Like and I read this. The short version is that we should stop "shining up our scars" to make things look prettier. He discusses the prodigal son in his post and makes a point to say we don't celebrate because things are perfect, but in that we have hope and healing in Jesus Christ.

I thought this was all good. I don't tend to think that I hide my scars. I like to believe that I am a "real" person; what you see, is what you get. But I have my sanitized list of things I am willing to disclose. However, for my study homework, I am supposed to read Romans 4 regularly throughout the duration. This is the chapter discussing Abraham's faith. I stumbled across verses 6-8 and was literally stopped in my tracks.

6 King David spoke of this, describing the happiness of an undeserving sinner who is declared to be righteous:
7 "Oh, what joy for those whose disobedience is forgiven, whose sins are put out of sight.
8 Yes, what joy for those whose sin is no longer counted against them by the Lord."

I began to wonder how and why I could easily skim over the part that infers I should be JOYFUL because my sins and disobedience were no longer counted against me. In theory, this is definitely something to be joyful about. What gives? Maybe it's a sense of entitlement. Maybe I've forgotten how astounded I should be by God's mercy....to me.

I am starting to realize one of the points of the Bible study...God is bigger than I realize. He's bigger than people because I know hearing about some of the things I've done would turn hair white. And He is able to just easily put it out of sight. He no longer counts that against me. THIS IS HUGE. I can only speak for myself, but it would take Someone absolutely mind-bogglingly powerful to put my past out of sight. And yet, He can and is able to do it. I don't want to miss the significance of that. Some sin can land you in prison, get you socially ostracized forever, ruin your marriage, but they ain't nothin' but a thang to God.

The Tie-In
What if I need to show my scars and disclose more than my approved sin list so that I can attest to God's power and encourage others that He is mighty enough? Involved-in-my-life enough? I want to revel in the joy that is mine because my disobedience is forgiven. I want to properly grieve for my sins, but rejoice in God's mercy. I don't want to take God's mercy or forgiveness lightly. And that might mean examining my scars again with a joyful heart knowing that God is bigger than whatever wickedness I could dream up and implement.

The Hidden Star Quilt--Update

I have been furiously working on my newest quilting project. Here is the opening discussion. I did buy the new sewing machine and am glad to see that there was actually a real difference in quality of my sewing. My teacher remarked last night had I not used the new machine for this quilt, it is likely that I would have become so frustrated that I would have quit the project altogether.

Nearly 30 hours of class time (if not more) and even more hours of work at home have gone into this project. It has been challenging in a way I did not think possible. Challenging, but good.

Pictures of completed blocks:

This is the first block...the Log Cabin. I made 8 of these and thought they came out really well.

This is The Variable Star. My first attempt with triangles. I was not a fan.

This is an appliqued peony. This quilt has 4 of them. It was extremely time-consuming doing the decorative stitching. I think the effect is really nice. Probably worth the effort even though I didn't put the block together exactly the way I was supposed to. I improvised. The block name: The Peony.

This block has an appropriate name: The Contrary Wife. This thing was a pain. Ever little piece of fabric has been cut and sewn together. Although some secret triangle paper made this block bearable.

This was absolutely the hardest block to do. I may never do another Eight Point Star. Ever. This thing was incredibly tempermental and I did not have any sympathy for a high-maintenance block. (I also figured out how to turn the chair to avoid the shadow of the armrest in my pictures.)

The Cross and Crown was the only block that we did not work on in class. We had to complete it at home. I am very proud because not only did I cut the pieces and sew them by only reading the pattern in the book, I also solved a problem without the aid of anyone else.

The complete quilt top without borders. Excuse the mess of my den. It was 2am, after all, when this picture was taken. I do like how I took this shot from a distance and you can very easily see "The Hidden Star". Before starting this project, I was very anxious about how well the Star would be seen. If the wrong fabrics are chosen for the Log Cabin blocks, the Star will not be as distinct and the Log Cabins will look like book ends and not part of a larger pattern.

The next phase will be to do the borders. Because I need a great deal of length on the sides, I am going to do some exotic things on the borders. Well, exotic to me. I am anxious to get this thing finished and on our bed. I've got several other quilt projects down the pike.

The Death Of My Blinkies

I am sad.

Mother's Day weekend, the weekend my husband so selflessly took all 3 of our children away so I could have time to myself, I spent hours and hours looking for blinkies to decorate my blog. I will not say exactly how many hours were spent because of the embarrassingly high number.

And now they have been deleted.

All of them!

I just wanted to replace the one that said I was the Mother of a 3-year old since we celebrated a birthday on Tuesday. Alas, I deleted the entire element off my blog page instead of the html code. I really liked the C-section one with the zipper. I just don't have the inclination to mess with it further. Maybe I'll just list the books I'm reading instead. I'm sure everyone is interested in that. *insert eye roll here*

A Bottle Of My Tears

I stumbled across this last week and it so perfectly exemplifies what I go through in my Christian walk. I like to put God in His cosmic corner where He is far too busy to notice that I AM DROWNING HERE!

But He does notice, doesn't He?

The Trials of Potty Training

It's fairly assured that Darcy won't be wearing diapers when she gets married, right?

We are now on the 5th panty change so far today. I honestly think she's doing it on purpose because she wants to wear diapers. I can not compete with this child's will. My paitence is being tested to the outermost limit.

If she wants to wear diapers so bad, I think I'll just let her. It's certainly easier on me.

Moral Superiority or Why It Might Be Okay Not To Homeschool

One thing I have been convicted of lately is my feeling of moral superiority. You know what I'm mean...the feeling that the decisions we make for ourselves and our families somehow make us morally superior to those who choose differently from us. It is excruciatingly prevalent in the homeschooling community. Many stay-at-home moms suffer from it.

It's the thinking that we have somehow tapped into God's plan and it's the only plan for lives. Not just our own lives, mind you, but all lives, everywhere. It's assuming there is only one way to do things. I don't believe God lives in a box who always does the same thing, in the same way, every time, for the same purpose. And this kind of thinking usually manifests itself in those "gray" areas. Areas in which the Bible may be open for interpretation.

Having felt both sides of the issue, I'm almost certain our moral superiority starts out unintentional which makes it all the more difficult to recognize. It is clearly a heart issue that can easily be exacerbated by segregating ourselves to groups of "like minds" where the eventual, possibly unintended outcome is the complete exclusion of "unlike minds". Where do we go from there?

All that to say, I don't believe everyone should homeschool. I sincerely believe that people who are interested and want to go that distance, should seek God's heart for their family. He can change our hearts; I know that from personal experience. So far, homeschooling feels like running a marathon on a treadmill or something else terrible and never-ending. Starting out is painfully difficult, especially if you don't know anything about teaching children or how they learn. Stuff they teach you at college when you become a teacher. It's not easy because you are inundated with information and resources. It requires a committed conviction and discipline. Maybe that's why we feel morally superior. We feel certain we are getting points up there for our sacrifice when our "sacrifice" is just a different means to the same end. We have freedom in Christ to teach our kids anyway we want.

For our family, though, it does seem like the best route. People certainly get bogged down in the reasoning though. There are numerous reasons and the whys and why nots of it all have already had their day on this blog. The point is that God moves us differently to different things, for different purposes. Even to homeschooling. Especially to homeschooling. Some homeschool because the quality of the education. That's not my reason because I believe an involved parent in the public school process could achieve the same results. I want to protect my children from bad people and bad influences. All the badness, really. But if Amish children who are protected from all infleunces, even VeggieTales, can get gunned down like animals in their one-room schoolhouse, then it's clear I really have no control. But homeschooling lets me feel like I do.

I even think it might be okay for my girls to go to college which is a change of pace from a previous post back in October 2006: Should We Encourage Our Daughters To Go To College? Read that post and you'll see my thinking has done a 180. Brian says education is it's own reward. At the time, I disagreed. Now, I know I want to train my daughters to seek God's voice and direction. I don't want to presume to know God's plan for their lives. I can only attest where He has guided me to and where He has guided me from. I can only carry them so far at which point they become responsible for their own actions. As a parent, not only is it our priority to equip them to make godly decisions by training them in the way they should go, it is our whole raison d'etre. Our families are our primary ministry grounds. But not the only one.

When we speak of training children up, I think a key component gets missed from that oft-repeated verse. In its entirety: Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. Proverbs 22:6. It's easy to miss the part where the child actually goes, but what else could it mean? I want to be able to look myself in the mirror and know that I did everything I could do to put them on the right path. More importantly, I want God to know it, too. I want to feel confident that they will choose their paths well. In the end, it's up to them. It's naive to think that if I could only follow the checklist, I would get the intended result, and conversely, to believe that Christians who have trouble with their children didn't do enough. Simply put, there is no checklist, and as the saying goes, "past performance is no indicator of future returns." With God, I will never be able to do enough to ensure that our kids turn out godly. Works just can't.don't.won't. cut it. I'm just trying to figure it out and to think I somehow have a lock on it because I read a book, is just moral superiority.

What if, just to shake things up a little, I allow my daughters to seek God's guidance in choosing a husband? Or career? I absolutely want to be an integral part of every part of their lives. But I don't want to live their lives for them. I definitely expect to have input into these very important areas. I do not want to force my choices onto my children. Having made plenty of mistakes up until this point, I feel uniquely qualified to give advice on many topics. I am fostering a relationship now which I hope will encourage them to seek my counsel later. In the meantime, I am teaching them right from wrong and to listen to the Lord's voice.

But I'm not going to feel morally superior because this is the path we've taken. The Lord is showing me that not every issue is black and white.

The list goes on...

I have been incredibly smug in projecting His directions to me onto other people, even if it's only deep in my coal black heart. How presumptous to assume that I know God's best for everyone! If I were honest, I would have to admit that I struggle to know God's best for myself and how that relates to The Big Picture. I have a general idea, but should consult Him on the day-to-day. Lots of times I don't. There have been occasions I didn't even seek God on some of these issues. I heard about something and it sounded pretty good to me. Is is possible as a morally superior Christian, I make things harder on myself than they need to be by choosing difficult, unnecessary roads?

The Bible is clear that we are all differently gifted (check out Romans 12:6) and I know He is a God who is in the details. So why would He do something so plain as to be predictable? If He's anything, God is completely unpredictable, which is part of His charm. Besides, if God's best was the same for everyone, all the time, every time, we would never need to seek Him and that would make Jesus's place in all this, unnecessary. I already know that's not the case. I could just consult the checklist and move on to the next item.

But there is no checklist.

There's only God and only me. And that's it. And in the end, that's all that's going to matter anyway. I have to wonder if some of the benefits of these fine ideas get cashed out in this life when I harbor the sin of moral superiority. Which, after all, is just pride dressed up fancy.