My Territory

Or, another character flaw brought to light.

Some people who have tried to get a recipe from me are well aware of my irrational need to be the keeper of my good recipes. I am extremely territorial about my recipes. It's a family trait and it's completely unattractive. My mother did exactly the same thing. In fact, there's a rumor I may have resorted to stealing recipes from her...

I do understand why I do it, although I'm ashamed to admit it. It's really pathetic. Say for instance, a person made an excellent lasagna. She might be known as the Most Excellent Lasagna Maker. And that might make her feel as though she received her value as a person from making lasagna. And feeling value as a person is a good thing. But what if someone had her recipe and could make it themselves? Would she still have value? Would she still be needed? Finding out the answer to that could be very painful...

I don't know if that was my mother's issue, but I know it's mine. So, at my therapist's insistence (me) in an effort to realize that my value as a person is not determined by my cooking (or my anything for that matter), I will be posting several of my favorite/most complimented recipes here, on the internet, for anyone in the world to have.

And supposedly, I'll still have value.

Lasagna

Sauce:

1# ground beef

1 clove garlic, minced

1 T. basil

1-1/2 t. salt

2-6 oz. cans tomato paste

2 cans diced tomatoes

10 oz. lasagna noodles, cooked and rinsed (Cook 10 noodles from the box and that'll be exactly what you need.)

Filling:

3 c. small curd cottage cheese

2 beaten eggs

2 T. parsley flakes

1/2 t. pepper

1/2 t. salt

1/2# grated Parmesan (I always double the cheeses, so I use a pound of both.)

1/2# Mozzarella cheese

Brown meat slowly; spoon off fat. Add the remaining sauce ingredients; simmer for 30 minutes, stirring occasionally, covered. Combine all filling ingredients, except the dry cheeses. Place half the lasagna noodles in a 13x9 baking pan. Spread half the filling over. Cover with 1/2 the Parmesan and 1/2 the Mozzarella. Pour half the sauce over contents of dish. Repeat with remaining ingredients to form 2nd layer. Bake at 350 degrees for 30 minutes. Let stand 10 minutes before serving. Serves 12. Freezes great!

Chicken and Sausage Gumbo

1 pound smoked beef sausage, split and cut into 2-inch pieces (I use more--like 2 pounds and I cut the sausage into circles.)

4 pounds of chicken thighs

1/4 to 1/3 cup vegetable oil

3/4 cup flour

1 medium onion, chopped

1/2 medium green pepper, chopped

2 celery ribs, sliced

3 garlic cloves, minced

4 cups of water or broth from boiling chicken

4 cup of chicken broth

1 tablespoon of Creole seasoning

2 tablespoons Kitchen Bouquet

1/2 teaspoon dried thyme

1 bunch green onions – tops and all, sliced

Hot cooked rice

File powder (about 1 t.)

1. Put oil in Dutch kettle and brown sausage over medium heat. Remove sausage, reserving drippings in a pan. Set sausage aside.
2. 2. Place chicken in a 5-6 quart Dutch kettle, cover with just enough water to cover. Cook chicken over medium to high heat until tender. Remove chicken set aside to cool. Save chicken broth if you are going to use instead of the water. Then de-bone chicken and cut into bite size pieces.
3. Measure drippings, adding enough oil to measure ½ cup. Heat oil in Dutch kettle over medium to high heat until hot. Whisk in flour, and cook, whisking constantly, 10 to 12 minutes or until roux is medium to dark colored
4. Add the chopped onion, green pepper, celery, garlic and green onion and cook, stirring often, until vegetables are tender. Gradually stir in 4 cups of water or boiling broth, and 4 cups of broth; bring to a boil. Add chicken, Creole seasoning, Kitchen Bouquet and thyme; reduce heat and simmer 30 minutes, stirring occasionally.
5. Add sausage and cook 30 minutes. Remove from heat and stir in file powder. Serve over a bowl of white rice, with French bread. Freezes great.

Chocolate Chip Cheesecake

2-8 oz. packages of cream cheese

1/2 c. sugar

1/2 t. vanilla

2 eggs

3/4 c. mini semi-sweet chocolate chips

1 graham cracker crust

Mix cream cheese, sugar and vanilla until well-blended. Add eggs, mix until blended. Stir in 1/2 c. of chips. Pour into crust. Sprinkle with 1/4 c. of chips. Bake at 350 degrees 40 minutes or until center is almost set. Cool. Refrigerate for 3 hours or overnight.

Fudgie Scotch Ring

1-6 oz. pkg. chocolate morsels

1-60z. pkg butterscotch morsels

1 can Eagle Brand Condensed milk

1 c. coarsely chopped nuts (I like pecans)

1/2 t. vanilla

1 c. nut halves

Melt chocolate and butterscotch with Eagle Brand in top of double boiler over hot water. Stir occasionally until morsels melt and mixture begins to thicken. Remove from heat; add nuts and vanilla. Blend well. Chill about 1 hour. Place 3/4 of nut halves in serving dish, forming a ring. Spoon mixture in small mounds on top of nuts to form ring. Decorate with remaining nuts. Chill in refrigerator.

English Muffin Breakfast Strata

1-16 oz. pkg ground pork sausage (I use mild)

1-12 oz. pkg English muffins, split and buttered (Don't be confused...12 oz of English muffins is 6 total muffins. I speak from experience.)

1-10 oz. block sharp cheddar cheese; shredded

1-8 oz. block mozzarella cheese, shredded

8 large eggs

1-1/2 c. sour cream

1-4 oz. can chopped green chilies; drained

Cook sausage in a skillet; stirring until it crumbles and is no longer pink. Drain on paper towels and set aside. Cut muffin halves into quarters and arrange in an even layer in a lightly greased 13 x 9 baking dish. Sprinkle half of sausage, cheddar and mozzarella cheese evenly over muffins. Whisk together eggs, sour cream and chilies in a large bowl; pour evenly over sausage and cheeses. Top with remaining sausage and cheeses. Cover and chill 8 hours. Uncover and bake at 350 fro 40 minutes. Let stand 10 minutes before serving. Freezes great.

I Made This!

In case there was some person who was remotely interested and did not see this on MySpace or Facebook, I made these:

I'm very proud of myself because I came up with the idea all by myself, and quite by accident, too. I had purchased 2 hangers when school started thinking that I would paint them and put the older girls' names on them and hang them low so they could be responsible for their own jackets and bags. Weeks came and went and I finally painted them. I also purchased a stencil to paint letters and flowers. Painting went well. Stencil-painting on Darcy's, not so good. It was really quite ugly and there was no way I was going to hang that up on the wall and say I made it.

So they sat on my table blocking the path for me to finish my quilts. I finally decided this weekend that I wanted to finish Darcy's quilt that was started in March, but I was working a system of getting my area cleared off and cleaned up so I could work. I bought an extra rack so I could toss Darcy's screw-up in the trash, but didn't know what I'd be able to do. The stencil wasn't going to work, what could I do? So I got out my stamps.

Stamping was good, except the ink didn't interact well with the paint. What to do? Finally a light bulb went on. Why couldn't I cover them with paper and embellish like a scrapbook page? So that's what I did. I went through my scraps and found ones that would fit and work with the colors already painted on. I finished Lily's and Darcy's and instead of taking the extra back, I made another one for Reagan.

I am so proud of myself because I did it all by myself. And the girls thought they were beautiful, too.

Yea me!

The Things I'm Talking About

I set down to write a big, whiny post about why my life is so hard at home, hence the title. I was going to cite specific examples, taken from this day alone. How in the world can I possibly get anything accomplished because every time I leave the room disaster ensues? But then I was reminded of something I read this morning in my Bible.

Do not throw away this confident trust in the Lord, no matter what happens. Remember the great reward it brings. Patient endurance is what you need now, so you will continue to do God's will. Then you will receive all that He has promised. Hebrews 10:35-36

I realize that many of my problems are a lack of preparation and planning. My dad has a saying, "Your poor planning does not constitute an emergency on my part." This has become the story of my days...poor planning becoming an emergency.

I want to focus on these areas so I may start logging where I have planned adequately and things have gone well or when I have failed to plan and execute adequately and the ensuing results. Also, maybe a a list of completed items to show to myself, if no one else, that I am not a failure all day, every day.

More Housewives Analysis

I finished reading the book this morning. The authors make some good points about depending on God, finding contentment and the fact that "women's work" isn't lesser work.

However, I don't find much practical advice in getting from malcontent to content. Just that I should be there. Or maybe I wasn't looking hard enough.

They dispel the necessity of finding a block of time daily to spend with God. On its face, I find that to be poor advice. I don't know if I can/would seek the Lord in bites. I find spending that block of time is a necessary part of my day, Well, only if I want my day to go well. When I start the day off with the Lord, it seems that my patience goes a little further and I'm more focused. I'm more kind and I can find joy in my "hamster wheel" tasks. I believe the Lord understands when we've been up 13 times a night with the baby and then had another one of our blessings throw up, as happened to one of the authors. I don't find it to be a "mandate". However, it's something that acts as a blessing and an encouragement as I go through my day.

There are days I don't spend time with the Lord. But before I just decide I'm "too busy," I need to evaluate my lifestyle. When my laziness becomes a habit preventing me from rising early, then maybe my guilt is actually conviction for a misuse and poor stewardship of my time. But if in the execution of caring for my children, I need sleep because I have a nursing baby, that's another thing altogether, and I believe the Lord is there through it. But we can't expect to survive on "bites" while we have children at home.

One thing I like is a quote from page 64:

We must remember that when we view other women-- other families-- we are only outsiders looking in at the part of life they are willing to show us. Or perhaps, in the case of the unfortunate parent with the "crashing and burning" toddler, we see them on a bad day. We can only see a small percentage of what real life is like for them. We can't see the whole picture, nor are we invited to. Our own families and our own lives should keep us plenty busy without the need to speculate about the ups and downs of others. (Emphasis mine.)

I'm not going to live my life from a list. I'm certainly not going to depend on the Stacy McDonalds and the Jennie Chanceys of the world to dictate to me what I should be doing as a wife and mother. I accept their book for what it is: an opinion and nothing more. I stand by my opinion that God has a plan for me and is refining me.

I'm okay with that.

Passionate Housewives Desperate For God

I am reading Passionate Housewives Desperate For God. It's been a tough read for me, and I can't quite figure out why. Is it because I truly disagree with what they're promoting or is it because I am weighted down with conviction?

If I were to be honest, I think it may be some of both.

At this point in time, I am only giving it a surface read. I'm not reading it with my Bible out, checking references. I am trying to get the gist of it. I think the authors make some interesting points. Although, I don't know if I'm willing to read it again without the chip on my shoulder. Perhaps I should start over and read it with my Bible and an open mind.

However, those ladies seem to be in a different place in their lives than I. I want the phase of my life where I judge others for their decisions to be over. I definitely want judgment of my life to be over. I am tired of comparing myself to what other moms/women/families are doing and not measuring up to some pre-conceived notion. I admit that the pre-conceived notion is often one of my own conception, but it's based on a comparison of lives I am ill-equipped to emulate. I can't copy the housekeeping regimen of a friend who doesn't have children. Or even the regimen of families that have older children to help. I must accept my limitations. Or at least the idea that I may possibly have limitations. It's a process.

I guess the good thing about the book, even if I'm not in complete agreement with the authors, it's causing me to think, reflect and contemplate my own life and what God wants from me. And maybe that was the whole point.

Homeschooling Organizer....Complete

For my immediate need, my homeschooling organizer is complete. I have the binder I want to work with, which is not a cheap piece of flimsy, ugly junk. Oh no. This is a very cool binder with an interior pocket, three tabs and a elastic cord that keeps it closed and together. I have ordered some additional tabbed dividers that have pockets. I expect those to come in handy.

The first tabbed section contains a set of 2-page calendar pages so that I may prepare my monthly lesson plans. I like to see everything for the month at one time. When I look at the calendar as a whole, I can visusalize (or actually write down) other commitments and plans. That will help me to be more efficient in my planning. Clearly, I have not had time to write any lesson plans. I did order books this morning so I should have a plan before long. Also, I need quiet to plan and think and that is in short order 'round here.

The second section is my most important part. The weekly plan. My most crucial point was to have everything in one place. When I look at the week, I want to see everything planned in one place: school, obligations and meal planning. I don't want to have to work out of a home planner for meals and appointments and another for school. In this life, the two have to work together and so they need to be together.

(Because this is my handiwork on display and not some professional outpouring here, I want to identify there are columns on the right side for a To Do List and Meals.)

The difference between other organizers and this one is in the way it can be customized to fit each family. For our family, at this time, I can easily write up lesson plans for both girls in the space provided. Large families could implement a separate tab for each child. I have another tab that has a set of 2-page calendar pages and this is where I will plan my menus for the month. We are now buying many of our groceries in bulk from Sam's so as I plan the menu, down the side, I can begin my list.

I think there would be a market for something like this among the homeschool crowd. I also think it could be tailored to families that don't homeschool. At any rate, I'm excited... I am currently working on a name and trying to figure out how to keep from getting sued for copyright infringement.

The Hidden Star Quilt--Update

I have been furiously working on my newest quilting project. Here is the opening discussion. I did buy the new sewing machine and am glad to see that there was actually a real difference in quality of my sewing. My teacher remarked last night had I not used the new machine for this quilt, it is likely that I would have become so frustrated that I would have quit the project altogether.

Nearly 30 hours of class time (if not more) and even more hours of work at home have gone into this project. It has been challenging in a way I did not think possible. Challenging, but good.

Pictures of completed blocks:

This is the first block...the Log Cabin. I made 8 of these and thought they came out really well.

This is The Variable Star. My first attempt with triangles. I was not a fan.

This is an appliqued peony. This quilt has 4 of them. It was extremely time-consuming doing the decorative stitching. I think the effect is really nice. Probably worth the effort even though I didn't put the block together exactly the way I was supposed to. I improvised. The block name: The Peony.

This block has an appropriate name: The Contrary Wife. This thing was a pain. Ever little piece of fabric has been cut and sewn together. Although some secret triangle paper made this block bearable.

This was absolutely the hardest block to do. I may never do another Eight Point Star. Ever. This thing was incredibly tempermental and I did not have any sympathy for a high-maintenance block. (I also figured out how to turn the chair to avoid the shadow of the armrest in my pictures.)

The Cross and Crown was the only block that we did not work on in class. We had to complete it at home. I am very proud because not only did I cut the pieces and sew them by only reading the pattern in the book, I also solved a problem without the aid of anyone else.

The complete quilt top without borders. Excuse the mess of my den. It was 2am, after all, when this picture was taken. I do like how I took this shot from a distance and you can very easily see "The Hidden Star". Before starting this project, I was very anxious about how well the Star would be seen. If the wrong fabrics are chosen for the Log Cabin blocks, the Star will not be as distinct and the Log Cabins will look like book ends and not part of a larger pattern.

The next phase will be to do the borders. Because I need a great deal of length on the sides, I am going to do some exotic things on the borders. Well, exotic to me. I am anxious to get this thing finished and on our bed. I've got several other quilt projects down the pike.

My New Quilting Project

Since I am taking another quilting class, I am working on another project. The first quilt was technically a "lap quilt" for Darcy, and it's still not finished. The top is finished, it's been quilted, and I only lack putting on the binding. I want to finish it, but since I am in the middle of this class, I have to stay caught up with my current project. Having never sewed before, I really have to work diligently to keep up with the rest of the class.

This is a picture of what I am working toward. Of course, with my own stylishly selected fabric. It was very ironic when I went to pick the fabric for this quilt. With the first quilt, I was overwhelmed and didn't know where to start. I hadn't even decided what to do with it. With this quilt, there was no hesitation. A quilt for our bed. The hardest part was picking fabric that Brian wouldn't hate. He didn't have to love it, just not hate it. There was even a point in time during the selection phase that I wished I had more fabric to choose from!

Modern, whimsical fabric for this quilt:


The completed log cabin square:

It might look a little off; that's because it's sitting on top of another square.


One completed sashing (of about 60):

(Goes in between the squares.)


I should have taken a picture of the new sewing machine I want. I was having a terrible time with my other one (Wal-Mart special, $100). I thought it was my sewing. The lady that teaches my class kept saying it wasn't me and I didn't believe her. Then she brought a Baby Lock for me to try. Okay. I agree; it isn't me. This machine weighs less than 13 pounds and has 66 stitches, and it's electronic. I am hooked. Except Mother's Day and my birthday have already rolled by before I found out about this Baby. The lady who owns the store offered me a part time job to help cut kits. If I became a permanent, part-time employee, I could get a Baby Lock for wholesale. Wholesale! Not only would I get a discount on the sewing machine, but 25% off my fabric and they would pay me also! Except we don't live in the town where the store is located. But I'm going to talk to her again tonight what exactly she's needing and see if I could make it work.


I am having a flashback to about 11 years ago, when I came home from college and had to get a job because I had left school and was back home living with Mom and Dad. I started by applying at Kroger and by the time it was all said and done, I had 4 jobs and was working 90 hours a week. Someone would offer me a job, and I would try to make it work. What a crazy life that was.

A Solution To The Problem

As previously mentioned, I have been struggling with things here at home. Being a stay-at-home mom is hard! I know I think my life is hard and then I talk to people who have more children than I do and realize their life is hard, too. I have a friend preparing for twins and I know her life is about to become harder. Reflectively, I have to wonder how much of my stressors are self-induced. Am I to blame for being frustrated? What have I done to make or break the situation? I'm of the mind that if I'm the cause of the problem, then I can also be the solution. While that may be true, to what end?

To solve my previous problem of how to get it all done, I devised a very complex schedule that provided time to get the house cleaned and everything done. (Of course, my children were being entertained by Walt Disney while the house was getting cleaned.) That worked for a week. The following week, chaos ensued again. The familiar feeling of failure was back like a bad habit. A friend of mine reported all I really needed was someone to come in twice a month and do the deep cleaning that seemed to evade me. What a brilliant idea! So I made the phone call and found someone to come in and do the cleaning for me. The end result of that phone call was a meltdown of gigantic proportions. The feeling of failure that I'd had trying to "do it all" was nothing like the feeling I had when I'd finally "given up" and accepted that I just couldn't do it and I wasn't even going to try anymore.

Where did I get such a convoluted idea of how to run a home? Who in the world told me that in order to be a good wife and mother that everything had to be in perfect order, perfectly clean? Or at least, on some obtainable schedule for being cleaned? And, do that at the same time as providing my children meaningful, Bible-based learning opportunities? In hindsight, I have learned that I am only one person!

That feeling of "gigantic failure who must call housekeeper" went away when the housekeeper arrived. With her helper, she cleaned more things, faster and probably better than I would have, even if I'd had the time to do it. And better yet, I didn't have the feeling of guilt I would have had if Brian had been helping me do the housework. What helps a majority of my guilt is knowing I am providing someone with a job...

There is also much freedom knowing I no longer have to worry about cleaning the house and using that time to grow my relationship with the girls. I think they would rather I sat down and played Mr. Potato Head or Play-Doh or colored with them instead of leaving them to do this alone while I mop the floor.

I still think that the floors need to be mopped and the furniture needs to be dusted at least once a quarter. I think I need to ensure this is somehow accomplished. However, even the Proverbs 31 wife had servant girls...she didn't do it all herself. So, for now, housekeeping is under control.

Season Of Life

I am feeling bogged down by this season of life. Life as a stay-at-home mom with 3 little ones. Having 3 children under 4 years old is so different and difficult. I don't think a lot of people understand what it's like. I was just remarking the other night to Brian that I cannot imagine how much time I'm going to have when my children can ready themselves for the day. I know I spend at least an hour every morning just getting them ready by dressing them, washing faces, brushing teeth, fixing hair and preparing breakfast. And that doesn't include feeding Reagan. That's an additional 20 -25 minutes.

I am frustrated because I can start at 5am and never get everything done that "needs" to be done.

I try diligently to get up when Brian leaves for work which is usually between 5-5:30am. Do other stay-at-home moms do this? My dad thought I had a screw loose when I told him what time I get up. If I don't get up before everyone else, I don't get a chance to take a shower. I don't get a chance to read my Bible and I don't get a chance to exercise. Doing those things are very important to set the tone for my day. But I don't want to get up that early.

I am definitely having a difficult time keeping up with everything that should be done. I can tell you the last time the kitchen floor was mopped (last month), but it really needs it at least once a week. (Toddlers are messy eaters.) I can't tell you the last time the wood was mopped and as a result, there are dust dinosaurs lurking everywhere. Keeping the house clean and supervising the girls are activities that are just at odds with each other. The activities that I have for them to do are losing their appeal and they spend a lot of time getting in trouble because they are bored. I just don't know what to do with them that is new and exciting and will keep them stimulated. Especially table-type activities.

I am a fan of FlyLady, and her method of doing things is helpful. But with 3 young children, I am just having a hard time making it work. Which makes me feel like a failure. Every day I look at the wood and realize it needs to be mopped desperately, but I just can't seem to get to it.

How do other people do it? I know I can't be the only one who has these struggles. Lily is getting bigger and bigger and is able to help more. She is able to almost completely dress herself and can make her bed. She can use the potty and wash her hands with a minimal amount of supervision.

Some people might say that I am being too hard on myself or that I am expecting too much of myself. But is it too much to ask that the floors have some attention more often than every six months? When Brian is home on the weekends, the last thing I want to do is spend all weekend at home. Of course, after he's been working all week, he'd like to spend some time at home. I don't know if my problem is a lack of contentment or boredom or what.

I live with a huge measure of guilt all the time. If the laundry gets piled up, I feel guilty. If Brian helps me by doing the laundry, I feel guilty that he has to help. Isn't that my job? I shouldn't need any help. I'm a failure.

Today, Lily didn't have any clean panties because I am behind on laundry. You can bet I felt like a huge failure. I can't even manage to keep the laundry done. As for me, no shower today so far because Brian went into work late this morning so I woke up when I heard Reagan. It's time for her to eat again and Lily is still waiting for her panties (that are in the dryer) so she is still in her nightgown. The kitchen is a mess from yesterday and I really don't want to have to go mess with.

I don't want to feel like I'm on autopilot all the time, but I feel like I am a hamster on a wheel with all of these activities. Laundry is never completely done. The kitchen is never completely clean and there always seems to be a meal to prepare. Oh, and to add to it, Brian and I haven't had a real date in about 6 months, maybe more. No babysitter.

I really could go on and on, but I think I'll stop. However, lest it seem like I am just complaining, I am open to suggestions. Real suggestions for activities or schedule changes or something. This is a cry for help.

Quilting Update

I kind of dropped the ball when it came to the step-by-step documentation of my quilting project. At any rate, I am very pleased to report that I have just completed the the quilt top. All I need to do is sew the backing together which will only take a few minutes and then it will be ready to go to the quilter's. I found a long arm quilter here in town that is not experiencing a 2 month backlog.

I am just so proud of myself. I can't believe I made this all by myself. Lily is begging me to make a quilt for her and I actually think I could do it. Since Lily has a "big girl bed", I will have to make hers twin sized which is twice again the size of the one I just completed. I think I can do it. The girls have watched the process and Darcy keeps asking, "Is that for me?" Brian keeps seeing this as some kind of potential cottage industry, but I am finding it incredulous that anyone would pay money for something that I made. I keep thinking that I could make them and give them away.

I heard there is going to be an intermediate class in May and I am looking forward to taking that class as well. Brian's outage will be over and maybe by then I'll have had time to complete Lily's quilt. I don't think she is going to give me much rest until I at least start on it.

But seriously, who would have ever thought such a thing could happen?

Though it's limited, here is the progression of my first quilt:

First, I brought home a stack of fabric. Brian has already confessed that he didn't think this was going to look well together. It wasn't what he had in mind when I came and asked his advice and then hurried back into the store....

Then, at the end of the first class, we had to have one set of strips sewn together to make blocks. For our second class, all of those strips had to be sewn with seams pressed open. Here was my first effort:

It took four sets of these strips and a center square to make an actual block. I should have taken a picture of my first block, but that was the part where I was remiss. All 20 blocks had to be created and then sewn together in 4 rows of 5 for our third class.

This is a close up of the corner.

And finally, the whole quilt top, as seen thumbtacked to my den wall...

I am very pleased with myself and think it has been a fine first effort. Now, if I could only finish my apron. I am committed to finishing that stupid thing. And also, I want to learn how to make a Veggie Tale dress like the one I bought Darcy for her birthday. It can't be hard...

Quilting For Dummies-Class 1

On Monday night I had my first quilting class. It went pretty well, considering my total lack of experience. It's a small class with four ladies (including myself) with very few of us actually having any sewing experience at all. If the average age is 40, it's because I am bringing the average way down. We spent the evening familiarizing ourselves with the rotary cutter and learning about "a scant quarter inch". We spent a lot of time just folding the fabric so that we could actually cut it. We did some measuring with a square ruler with enough lines to make anyone go cross-eyed. Lots and lots of measuring. And then we measured some more. I loved how we were continuously told that quilting is different than sewing. Mostly because my foray into sewing hasn't gone real well. I like how in quilting everything seems to be uniform. That appeals to my meticulous nature.

The big accomplishment of the night? Cutting all our strips. I didn't do completely poorly even though I did needed a fair amount of one-on-one help to get started. As it got later and later, I got really excited because it seemed like we weren't going to be using our sewing machines that night and I hadn't had time to sit down and sew to get myself familiar with the machine. I hadn't made a bobbin with the thread or threaded the machine. In fact, I still need the manual in order to thread the machine and I have never wound a bobbin by myself. I didn't want the class to be the place where I had to learn.

We ended up using our machines after all. But Miss Glenda was very kind to me and helped me get my machine going. I ended up being the last one finished and the last one to leave, but Miss Glenda stayed and let me finish. I told her that I was interested in learning how to sew garments and did she know anyone who might be willing to help me learn. Wonder of wonders, she said she would be willing to teach me. I was really excited by that. She said to give her a few weeks as she's expecting a new grandbaby and wanted to see what it was going to be first. That sounds great because Brian is about to start an outage and my free time is going to be greatly reduced for about the next six weeks. But I am excited. I am nearly motivated enough to get my apron out and finish sewing that.

Monday's homework was to sew all the strips together, cut them into 6.5" strips and then press. We had to do one before we left on Monday. Here is my effort:

Homemaking Bliss, Installment I: The Trip To The Fabric Store

As promised, I am chronicling my journey into homemaking bliss. It starts at the fabric store.

I was so excited when Ms. Glenda told me that I would not need any special skills in order to learn how to quilt. Just a working familiarity with the machine. I am hoping to have that by the time the class starts, on March 10th. She bids me come and see her at the store and she will go over everything I need for the class.

Excited does not begin to cover how I felt. I was thrilled. It was almost as if I was going to come out of that store with the thing already sewed together, ready to put on the bed. I could not wait to go to the fabric store. And on that Friday, the whole gang went. They stayed out in the car and I got to go in by myself.

I just love looking at fabric. Not touching it or sewing with it. Just looking at it. Everything was so organized (shelved by color and style) and I wondered if I had ever seen so much fabric in all my life. It was fabric that was just waiting to be made into something. Of course, not by me because I am sewing-impaired.

I had not decided what I was going to do with the quilt. I had thought about making it for my mom or possibly for the end of our bed. Mom's favorite color is red and our bedroom is purple. Oh, why does everything have to be so complicated?

Ms. Glenda said that the beginner quilt that I would be making is similar to what is called a "log cabin" quilt, except this was her own design. I had only heard of such a thing from Jackie who either had one or was making one or both. Then she cut me loose to find all the fabric. Well, she offered to help me and I didn't want to waste her time while I panicked over every available choice.

I didn't even know where to start. There was a ton of fabric in that store of every conceivable hue. And I had to pick out 5 different ones for my quilt. And they needed to look well together. This was a major problem because I could not envision what this was going to look like in my head.

The more I walked around, the more overwhelmed I became. My quilting career was about to be over even before it started.

So I ran outside and conferred with Brian. I know those ladies thought I was leaving and that I wasn't coming back. (The thought crossed my mind!) There were several paisleys that I loved, but that didn't fit into either of the ideas I'd had on what to do with the quilt. There were too many choices and I didn't have the first idea of where to start.

"Help me figure this out or I'm done," I assured him.

He told me to make the quilt for Darcy [what a novel idea!] and go get the pink paisley and get some soft pinks and maybe a white to go with it. I was thrilled. At least I had an idea that I could work with.

With Ms. Glenda's help, I was finally able to pick out coordinating fabrics. At least I hope they are coordinating!

Something I found very interesting is that they do not cut the fabric with scissors. (She said this was my first quilting lesson.) They tear the fabric. She says that by tearing the fabric, it is always "cut" straight, even if it's rolled on the bolt crooked. (Because it tears on the grain.) After all my years hanging out at Hancock's as a young girl with my mother and grandmother, I had never heard of such a thing. What a concept.

Class starts on Monday. I am excited and a wee bit nervous.

My fabric:

It's What Moms & Grandmothers Used To Do

A week or so ago, I was thumbing through Sunday's paper when I found an article about people who had changed their careers later in life. One guy was retired military and now he was teaching high school. One couple had given up their high incomes as successful salespeople on opposite schedules and were now together all the time, driving a big rig for a living.

But the one that struck me was the lady who started her own yarn store. Apparently, the local Wal-Mart or Woolworth's didn't carry a huge selection of yarn, so she decided to open her own store. The store is growing so much that they have classes teaching a new generation to knit. "It's what moms and grandmothers used to do," the proprietor said. And this lady is capitalizing on it. Good for her; bad for us.

Why aren't we learning "homemaking" skills from our mothers and grandmothers anymore?

I have read several book over the last year imploring women to recognize and accept their appointed roles in the home. It has been eye-opening and inspiring to me because with all honesty, when I am on top on my game, being a stay-at-home-mom is boring.

This time last year, I told Brian that I wanted to go back to school and finish my degree because I felt my brain turning into mush. I was literally bored out of my mind. I couldn't imagine that's what God intended when He told wives to take care of their families. Of course, my going back to school was completely unreasonable. Other than brain stimulation, was there a practical purpose? I'm not planning on re-entering the work force once the girls start school. I don't need a degree for what I do. My pay rate isn't going to increase with a degree and I'm not going to move up the ladder any faster with a degree. As it is, I'm already at the top of my pay scale. So what would be the point?

Except personal satisfaction and feeling of accomplishment is a big deal. People need it. What to do?

Lucky for me, my good friend Jackie invited me to scrapbooking, even though I'd told her at least a thousand times that I didn't scrapbook and I didn't like it. I have to admit, I get very frustrated when I try new things because, for some strange reason, I expect it to be perfect the first time I do it. I don't know why. When it doesn't come out perfect, I'm stop because I'm "not good" at it. Then I complain to Brian that I'm not good at anything.

Scrapbooking was no exception. It took awhile to get the hang of using my paper cutter and cutting the paper. Had it been possible, I probably would have left in the middle of the "cutting phase". When I came home, I had 4 scrapbook pages that I had made all by myself. Of course, I didn't have any pictures to put on my pages, but I felt like I had accomplished something.

This was my first foray into "crafts" and since I wasn't a complete failure, it made me want to venture out and do other things, except I didn't know how and didn't know anyone to ask. I want to learn how to sew. So few women my age know how to sew. My grandmother sewed, but my mother doesn't. My mother embroiders, but I don't. Generation by generation we are letting our skills slip away.

Again, my sweet Jackie to the rescue. She got me started on sewing. She spent a whole evening showing me how to thread my machine and the first time I had to rethread it, I nearly went berserk. It took me several tries while reading the manual to finally get it right. Of course, I haven't actually sewed anything (I have been working on an apron for six months) but I have high hopes. I've taken a break from it for a while, but I'm about to get excited about it again. I have a goal: that each of my daughters and I will be able to make her wedding dress together.

In another example of someone benefitting from what moms and grandmothers used to do, next month, I am taking a beginning quilter's class. I was told that I didn't have to have any skills, just a machine, which I have, although in my defense, I can sew a straight line, according to Jackie. I am very excited and very grateful that my husband is so supportive of all my "endeavors".

In answer to my earlier question, I think that moms and grandmothers aren't teaching us the skills we need to make things beautiful because for whatever reason, we're not at home. Whether we're working or involved in so many activities they might as well be working, we're just not home. The time is just not there. The second reason that keeps us from learning those homemaking skills is that the basic needs of the house aren't met. The laundry isn't done, the grocery shopping isn't done, the floors aren't mopped or vacuumed, etc., etc. We are busy putting out one crisis after another with no plan or routine or schedule in place. I think these things are basic. We must learn how to take care of the basic needs of our homes before we can truly devote ourselves to making things beautiful with our homemaking skills.

There were times during my childhood when my mother did not work. At those times, she decorated cakes and had time to embroider. The house was clean and the laundry was done. When she was working, those "extra" things that made the house nice fell by the wayside because the basics of the house and family came first.

I plan to document my attempts of bettering my homemaking skills here in an effort to not only challenge myself so that my brain doesn't turn to mush, but to encourage others through my experiences . I want our home to be a beautiful place made all that much warmer and inviting from my efforts.

Political Observations From A Reformed Feminist

I watched portions of The Debate on Saturday. I don't usually follow politics, but Brian has such a huge interest that I must this season so that we'll have something to talk about. As a reformed feminist who spent my senior year of high school wearing a T-shirt that read: A Woman's Place Is In The House or The Senate, I am interested in what happens with Hilary Clinton. What I don't know or haven't figured out yet is if she is trying to fit in as man in this man's world and/or is she hoping to garner women's vote only on solidarity.

All that to say, I couldn't believe how unfeminine Hilary Clinton appeared wearing a black pants suit, green blouse and low heels. That's not what I would wear. I don't have a problem with the black, but how about a skirt? Suits with long skirts (with a modest slit to the knee) are feminine and yet, professional. I'm 5'10" and I'd be wearing 3-inch heels. I would want to look these guys in the eye.

Then I heard her speaking and she sounded like a mean, old bulldog snarling and barking at everyone. I told Brian, "Man, she is tough." This certainly was not some dainty woman. Then I remembered that she was a lawyer for years and years long before this. Those ladies have to be tough.

And the unthinkable happened....Hilary cried.

Yesterday morning, George Stephanopoulous and Diane Sawyer (or was it Charles Gibson?) had an interesting chat about Hilary's chances in New Hampshire. I don't think this is an exact quote, but "slim to none" was what I heard. In fact, Georgie-boy had a graph with a big red "X" on the next few states she was not going to win: Nevada and North Carolina (or was it South Carolina). Things were not going to turn around for her until Super Tuesday.

Later in the morning, I tuned into The View. This is not my usual fare, but I did get a commentary on Hilary's emotional display in a greasy spoon somewhere in the New Hampshire 'burbs.

It was pretty interesting. First of all, among the combatants, it was pretty universal that a man choking up over the rigors of campaigning would be labeled "weak". If being on the campaign trail is emotional and draining, well, that's just too bad. Nature of the beast and all. Live with it. Being President is tough work. But for a woman? Well, she finally showed that she's got a heart. She's really a woman. Isn't that wonderful? Women can relate to this.

Apparently, that's the case in New Hampshire because when all those women got off work and were on their way to soccer practice with dinner in a bag from McDonalds, they stopped off at the local elementary school and voted for Hilary. Because she understands what it's like to be a woman...blah, blah, blah. When the polls started turning for her, I called her victory as a result of the emotional incident. Then! I was vindicated on National TV by George and Charlie. Women came out in droves to show their support for a woman who is finally not acting like a man.

Brian thinks it's a political ploy, this crying. He's jaded and doesn't know the first thing about the emotional highs and lows that women go through. I'm taking the high road because I have been there. Not on a national campaign trail for President, but I have been overloaded and stressed and I have cried....at work. Now it wasn't in front of million of people and then replayed on YouTube, but it was humiliating enough.

But I have realized in the last year, God did not make women to hide their emotions or it wouldn't be so hard. If I am in a situation (like an office) and it's not appropriate to show my God-given emotion, then perhaps I'm not in the right environment. He made us emotional. It's okay. Really. How else can we be the heart of the home, like He intended?

First, we actually have to be at home not running the streets at every opportunity. What a concept!

Women are shirking their responsibilities at home and in the meantime, looking for validation that it's okay. But it's not and no amount of pandering is going to change that. The more we turn away from what God intended for us, the more trouble we have. If Hilary had been at home crying about the kids being out of control, or her burned dinner or being tired from taking care of 3 sick kids, her husband, her protector, would do just that: protect her. Or at least he should. Not leave the whole country to wonder if it's okay to a woman to cry, if it's okay for a man to cry and whether those tears were real or contrived and how that bodes for a Commander-In-Chief.

I have said before that since America doesn't seem to be ready for a woman anchor on the Evening News, then we're not ready for a woman President.

I fear for our families if I am wrong.

Update

Things are going well here these days. We have recently moved into a rent house, while roomier than our former domicile, still has its problems. We are grateful for the room.

I have successfully made it through the first trimester of this pregnancy...a day I thought would never come. Brian expressed concern over my pickle consumption just yesterday. I believe in my heart that this child is going to be a boy...although the odds seemed stacked against us.

Recently, we traveled to Houston to attend the Homeschool Conference. It was definitely an interesting experience in which we learned lots of information. Well, we were exposed to a lot of information. Some of the most exciting parts of the weekend were sitting down one-on-one with my husband and discussing what we had learned in a non-confrontational way and trying to figure out how best to move our family forward in a God-honoring way.

For over a year, I have felt God's call in my life in one particular area: management of my home. For the last several months, I have been reading through a book called A Woman After God's Own Heart by Elizabeth George and that has been the most eye-opening thing to come my way on this topic this far. I have found it to be a practical book with many suggestions on how to implement God's priorities for women's lives. Reading that book with a friend that has the same convictions as I do has been encouraging, but the pruning that has had to be done in my heart has been excruciating, but invigorating. Truthfully, I am beginning to feel quite strongly that the church at large has been remiss in explaining the true place of wives and mothers...which is for us to be busy.... at home. The Bible is clear on this point. We are to be the caretakers of the family; the heart of the home. How can that be possible when we are rarely at home? The care of our families and support of our husbands are to take precedence over any other activities. How in the world can we give away to others what we have first not given away at home? I have felt strongly convicted in this area and have made drastic changes to my life to support these new changes. The change has been slow, but encouraging as I am beginning to actually prefer to spend time with my family instead of believing that I "deserve" to be out and about as much as possible.

I could go on and on with this particular topic, but think now is not the best time to load up onto my soapbox. I do think that God is rewarding my obedience by changing my stone-cold heart which Brian says is 3 sizes too small under the best of circumstances.

Should We Encourage Our Daughters To Go To College?

In light of some of my recent thoughts, I have pondered this idea as well. Should we encourage (and pay for) our daughters to go to college? About 18 months ago, Brian and I discussed this and I was appalled at the injustice that the very idea screamed at me. What possible reason in the world could a parent have for not encouraging a girl to further her education? I railed against the injustice. Not that Brian agreed with that idea...he was just throwing it out there. Preposterous, I said. Utterly ridiculous.

But is it?

The biggest hurdle I have to contentedness and joy as a stay-at-home mom is actually accepting the fact that I am a stay-at-home mom with every intention of homeschooling my children. But why? Didn't you get the memo? I'm supposed to be doing "something" with my life. Yes, I know, answering the call of nurturing my family is my highest calling. Somewhere in the back of my head, there are lots of times that I feel like that is what I have to do because I didn't finish my education. Had I finished, I could be doing something really rewarding. I could be doing something that I really like (like accounting) instead of something that most days just drives me to distraction. I know that if I were in a high rise somewhere counting beans, I would be missing huge, key moments in my daughters' lives and I would be singing the sad song that working mothers sing.

So every day I fight with myself and I guess my point in all of this is...what if I'd been taught from birth on that raising a family was the greatest honor and joy for a woman? Would I still have this struggle inside of me to break free and run screaming to the university to get my accounting degree so that I can "do something" with my life? Brian says I can go to school any time I want...but what's the point? I'm gonna be a homeschooling mom when I grow up.

I just want to protect my girls from some of my struggles and heartaches and longings. If being a wife and a mother is the highest calling, why would I even want them to consider engineering or medicine or accounting? Why wouldn't I prepare them for the highest calling? Maybe it's better not to wake the sleeping giant of achievement in their hearts.