It was only a matter of time before the girls got sick. I took Lily to the doctor on Thursday and got some cough medicine that's not doing her any good. Yesterday, Lily was coughing so hard in the car that she threw up. And now Darcy's sick with the cough, congestion, runny nose and fever. All of this before I'm supposed to be gone for 4 days this next weekend. This is making it very difficult for me to go, even though I've already paid my money.
We didn't take the girls to church this morning, but I went to Sunday school to see if I could talk to a girl about watching Darcy for me at the end of the week. Then I went shopping. We did a little shopping yesterday, but I didn't get done what I needed to, so back to Fort Worth I went. Between Lily throwing up in Brian's brand new car and neither of the girls getting a nap, yesterday's excursion was not a pleasure. Today...much better. Except Darcy's 101.7 fever when I got home. I wasn't going to go to church because it was rainy and nasty and I wanted to see my babies, but they were having a meeting about the MOPS convention after the service.
Now I don't want to go.
First of all, we are meeting at 4:30 in the morning to leave. That is unappealing in itself. The second and most important thing: Our MOPS Coordinator wants us all to dress alike!!! She said that most of the "girls" there all dress the same and do cutesy stuff with bows and on this day we're all going to wear black shirts and on the next day we're all going to wear white shirts and it's going to be so fun!!!! And everyone but me thought it was a great idea. I was crying on the phone to Brian on the way home from church telling him how much I did not want to do that. She actually said that it is "just like cheerleader camp." I actually came home and was crying about how I didn't want to go because I wasn't going to fit in and if I wanted to fit in, I was going to have to do all this stuff that just isn't me. I'm not bows and foo-foo and matching clothes and all that stuff. It's fine for some people, but not for me. And the thought that I have to do this is making me very unhappy. I'm wondering if I shouldn't have waited to do this thing until next year when we're more established there, people would know me better and know how ridiculous it is to suggest that I do anything remotely resembling anything cheerleader-y and it would be easier for me to find a babysitter.
Brian's parents are coming this weekend so they can see Darcy for her birthday. Technically it isn't until next Friday, but Brian will probably be working 7-12s by then anyway. They are coming on Friday and leaving on Monday and since I'm not getting back until around 9pm on Sunday night, that shortens the amount of entertaining I personally have to do. Brian is having trouble with his phone and since his brother lives and works in Plano, that's where Brian needs to go to have the phone looked at. Everyone will probably make a big pilgrimage to Plano to see Uncle Lonnie.
I'm sure that this is the devil getting between me and this trip and I'm trying to recognize that, but I'm also trying to be myself and not some plastic version of me that doesn't exist. This anti-foofoo thing isn't just affecting my feelings on this trip, but it's also affecting the way I feel about my girls and myself. I'm wondering why God gave someone like me girls...
2 comments:
God gave you girls b/c he knew you were the best to teach them how to be strong, independent, secure ladies who don't have anything to prove!
I agree that you don't have to do all the stuff that isn't you to fit in. Are they going to not let you go if you don't dress alike? I'd go on anyway, and just wear whatever you want to. If they say something, you can always say you didn't have a black skirt, or you didn't feel comfortable wearing something that wasn't you. You can still go, and be honest.
I'd encourage you to go and just be yourself. I think you'd have a good time - but don't try to mold yourself into the image of whatever these women "WANT" you to be.
Just remember that are LOTS of people who love you for who you are and let that give you an encouragement to be yourself!
Miss you and I'm thinking about you. Hope your babies get better!
I have to say, I don't think these ladies want everyone to be like them necessarily, but this is how they are and think everyone else is, too. And I just didn't have the guts to say that I'm not the cutesy cheerleader-type.
Post a Comment