Moral Superiority or Why It Might Be Okay Not To Homeschool

One thing I have been convicted of lately is my feeling of moral superiority. You know what I'm mean...the feeling that the decisions we make for ourselves and our families somehow make us morally superior to those who choose differently from us. It is excruciatingly prevalent in the homeschooling community. Many stay-at-home moms suffer from it.

It's the thinking that we have somehow tapped into God's plan and it's the only plan for lives. Not just our own lives, mind you, but all lives, everywhere. It's assuming there is only one way to do things. I don't believe God lives in a box who always does the same thing, in the same way, every time, for the same purpose. And this kind of thinking usually manifests itself in those "gray" areas. Areas in which the Bible may be open for interpretation.

Having felt both sides of the issue, I'm almost certain our moral superiority starts out unintentional which makes it all the more difficult to recognize. It is clearly a heart issue that can easily be exacerbated by segregating ourselves to groups of "like minds" where the eventual, possibly unintended outcome is the complete exclusion of "unlike minds". Where do we go from there?

All that to say, I don't believe everyone should homeschool. I sincerely believe that people who are interested and want to go that distance, should seek God's heart for their family. He can change our hearts; I know that from personal experience. So far, homeschooling feels like running a marathon on a treadmill or something else terrible and never-ending. Starting out is painfully difficult, especially if you don't know anything about teaching children or how they learn. Stuff they teach you at college when you become a teacher. It's not easy because you are inundated with information and resources. It requires a committed conviction and discipline. Maybe that's why we feel morally superior. We feel certain we are getting points up there for our sacrifice when our "sacrifice" is just a different means to the same end. We have freedom in Christ to teach our kids anyway we want.

For our family, though, it does seem like the best route. People certainly get bogged down in the reasoning though. There are numerous reasons and the whys and why nots of it all have already had their day on this blog. The point is that God moves us differently to different things, for different purposes. Even to homeschooling. Especially to homeschooling. Some homeschool because the quality of the education. That's not my reason because I believe an involved parent in the public school process could achieve the same results. I want to protect my children from bad people and bad influences. All the badness, really. But if Amish children who are protected from all infleunces, even VeggieTales, can get gunned down like animals in their one-room schoolhouse, then it's clear I really have no control. But homeschooling lets me feel like I do.

I even think it might be okay for my girls to go to college which is a change of pace from a previous post back in October 2006: Should We Encourage Our Daughters To Go To College? Read that post and you'll see my thinking has done a 180. Brian says education is it's own reward. At the time, I disagreed. Now, I know I want to train my daughters to seek God's voice and direction. I don't want to presume to know God's plan for their lives. I can only attest where He has guided me to and where He has guided me from. I can only carry them so far at which point they become responsible for their own actions. As a parent, not only is it our priority to equip them to make godly decisions by training them in the way they should go, it is our whole raison d'etre. Our families are our primary ministry grounds. But not the only one.

When we speak of training children up, I think a key component gets missed from that oft-repeated verse. In its entirety: Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. Proverbs 22:6. It's easy to miss the part where the child actually goes, but what else could it mean? I want to be able to look myself in the mirror and know that I did everything I could do to put them on the right path. More importantly, I want God to know it, too. I want to feel confident that they will choose their paths well. In the end, it's up to them. It's naive to think that if I could only follow the checklist, I would get the intended result, and conversely, to believe that Christians who have trouble with their children didn't do enough. Simply put, there is no checklist, and as the saying goes, "past performance is no indicator of future returns." With God, I will never be able to do enough to ensure that our kids turn out godly. Works just can't.don't.won't. cut it. I'm just trying to figure it out and to think I somehow have a lock on it because I read a book, is just moral superiority.

What if, just to shake things up a little, I allow my daughters to seek God's guidance in choosing a husband? Or career? I absolutely want to be an integral part of every part of their lives. But I don't want to live their lives for them. I definitely expect to have input into these very important areas. I do not want to force my choices onto my children. Having made plenty of mistakes up until this point, I feel uniquely qualified to give advice on many topics. I am fostering a relationship now which I hope will encourage them to seek my counsel later. In the meantime, I am teaching them right from wrong and to listen to the Lord's voice.

But I'm not going to feel morally superior because this is the path we've taken. The Lord is showing me that not every issue is black and white.

The list goes on...

I have been incredibly smug in projecting His directions to me onto other people, even if it's only deep in my coal black heart. How presumptous to assume that I know God's best for everyone! If I were honest, I would have to admit that I struggle to know God's best for myself and how that relates to The Big Picture. I have a general idea, but should consult Him on the day-to-day. Lots of times I don't. There have been occasions I didn't even seek God on some of these issues. I heard about something and it sounded pretty good to me. Is is possible as a morally superior Christian, I make things harder on myself than they need to be by choosing difficult, unnecessary roads?

The Bible is clear that we are all differently gifted (check out Romans 12:6) and I know He is a God who is in the details. So why would He do something so plain as to be predictable? If He's anything, God is completely unpredictable, which is part of His charm. Besides, if God's best was the same for everyone, all the time, every time, we would never need to seek Him and that would make Jesus's place in all this, unnecessary. I already know that's not the case. I could just consult the checklist and move on to the next item.

But there is no checklist.

There's only God and only me. And that's it. And in the end, that's all that's going to matter anyway. I have to wonder if some of the benefits of these fine ideas get cashed out in this life when I harbor the sin of moral superiority. Which, after all, is just pride dressed up fancy.

My New Quilting Project

Since I am taking another quilting class, I am working on another project. The first quilt was technically a "lap quilt" for Darcy, and it's still not finished. The top is finished, it's been quilted, and I only lack putting on the binding. I want to finish it, but since I am in the middle of this class, I have to stay caught up with my current project. Having never sewed before, I really have to work diligently to keep up with the rest of the class.

This is a picture of what I am working toward. Of course, with my own stylishly selected fabric. It was very ironic when I went to pick the fabric for this quilt. With the first quilt, I was overwhelmed and didn't know where to start. I hadn't even decided what to do with it. With this quilt, there was no hesitation. A quilt for our bed. The hardest part was picking fabric that Brian wouldn't hate. He didn't have to love it, just not hate it. There was even a point in time during the selection phase that I wished I had more fabric to choose from!

Modern, whimsical fabric for this quilt:


The completed log cabin square:

It might look a little off; that's because it's sitting on top of another square.


One completed sashing (of about 60):

(Goes in between the squares.)


I should have taken a picture of the new sewing machine I want. I was having a terrible time with my other one (Wal-Mart special, $100). I thought it was my sewing. The lady that teaches my class kept saying it wasn't me and I didn't believe her. Then she brought a Baby Lock for me to try. Okay. I agree; it isn't me. This machine weighs less than 13 pounds and has 66 stitches, and it's electronic. I am hooked. Except Mother's Day and my birthday have already rolled by before I found out about this Baby. The lady who owns the store offered me a part time job to help cut kits. If I became a permanent, part-time employee, I could get a Baby Lock for wholesale. Wholesale! Not only would I get a discount on the sewing machine, but 25% off my fabric and they would pay me also! Except we don't live in the town where the store is located. But I'm going to talk to her again tonight what exactly she's needing and see if I could make it work.


I am having a flashback to about 11 years ago, when I came home from college and had to get a job because I had left school and was back home living with Mom and Dad. I started by applying at Kroger and by the time it was all said and done, I had 4 jobs and was working 90 hours a week. Someone would offer me a job, and I would try to make it work. What a crazy life that was.

Stuff Christians Like

I love how the blogging community works. You read one blog and then check out the blog of another person who left a comment on the first blog and before you know it, you have a "she told 2 friends" Breck-girl bloglist.

That's how I found this blog and now I am passing it on: http://stufffchristianslike.blogspot.com/

It is actually based on a popular Wordpress blog, Stuff White People Like. I had never heard of it or read it and can't comment on it, but this one is funny. The author highlights things that go on in the lives of Christians and our churches and for the most part, sheds a humorous light on them. Recent posts include a comparison/classification of Bible translations to GI Joe characters and a full on discussion on why many Christians have taken a "secret blood oath against the city of Las Vegas".

Definitely worth a look for a laugh.

Happy Mother's Day

There is an ongoing battle at my house when the Hallmark Holidays come around. I can't speak for all women everywhere, but I love it when my husband takes the time to be thoughtful and deliberate, no matter the holiday. We've only been married for 5 and a half years so I can still remember when he was full of surprises, probably because he was wooing me and didn't have a job to divert his attention.

I don't like making demands on what I'd like to do for Valentine's Day (Hallmark holiday he'd rather not celebrate), our anniversary (holiday it's acceptable to celebrate), Mother's Day (Hallmark holiday) or my birthday (acceptable holiday). I really want Brian to take the inititive and come up with something fun, amazing, different and romantic. Also, I would like for him to arrange for the babysitter as well. Surely, that can't be too much to ask. What is he really doing at work anyway?

Brian really balks at celebrating Mother's Day. He sees it as some further government ploy to exercise control over his life. Who is the goverment to tell people when to celebrate mothers? And furthermore, I am not even his mother. Telling him, "Fine, we won't celebrate Father's Day. No ties or barbeque implements or special meals for you," doesn't phase him a bit. Why is that?

Why is it that fathers (even my own father) say it's okay to forget Father's Day, but not Mother's Day? [Except for Brian. He doesn't care about either one.] Is it because those guys realize that Mother's Day is important to mothers, even if they don't think they're important? And what about Father's Day? Why is it okay to skip that day? My husband doesn't care if we celebrate Father's Day, my dad said we didn't have to, even the pastor at church Sunday said during the Children's Sermon that it was okay to forget Father's Day, but not to forget Mother's Day.

What is the deal?

There are many days I feel unappreciated, etc., and dinner out on the day designated as Mother's Day doesn't do much to alleviate that feeling. Brian watches the girls all the time so I can do things away from home. I take quilting and scrapbooking classes, do accounting work, get my hair and nails done when needed, meet my friends for dinner or coffee. Maybe I'm just an ungrateful person who wants it all.

Even though Brian thinks government sanctioned Mother's Day is stupid, he took all 3 kids to visit his parents...alone. I stayed in Mudville so that I could have time to myself....at home, alone. And it was wonderful. I don't think this has ever happened before. I got to eat by myself at restaurants while I read a magazine. I didn't have to talk to anyone or referee the meal. I spent 3 hours at the fabric store picking out fabric for my new quilting class and getting a lesson on binding. Saturday, I slept in until 10 or so and then went to the used book store and the grocery store. Sunday, I made special coffee and my favorite blueberry muffins...just for myself. I had lunch with a friend who is expecting twins. I never even turned the TV on.

It was wonderful. I think we should do this every month.

Free Vasectomies!

Here in Mudville, everyone is very community-minded. I can't believe these things happen, but there are some people who are born here, grow up here, attend college here, marry here, work here and never leave here. NEVER LEAVE HERE!

Sorry.

About 2 weeks ago, the Mudville Optimist Club was advertising their annual auction and a list of the available items was in the newspaper in its own insert. It was actually quite lengthy. I thought it was really nice of all these businesses and individuals to come together and donate items and services in order to help the Optimist Club help youth. But I had to laugh.

One of the donated items....a vasectomy. It was offered by the general surgeon here in town who actually did Brian's hernia repair last summer. I just thought that was hysterical. There are probably not too many surgicial procedures that are considered elective, and I guess he wanted to contribute to a worthy cause. I just thought it was funny. I tried to find out how much the vasectomy went for, but that information was not available. The Optimist Club did raise over $45,000. Not too shabby.

A story about Dr. Erck:

Last summer when Brian had his hernia repair, Dr. Erck did the surgery. He was very thorough and explained things in great detail and gave us all the possible scenarios. When we were at the hospital and Brian was all hopped up on pain medicine, I expressed my anxiousness over not being able to supervise the washing of hands. What if the doctor and staff forgot to wash up? Brian, in his drugged state, thought this was funny and when the doctor came in, told Dr. Erck that I was concerned about his handwashing practices. He assured me not only would he be washing his hands, but he would also be wearing gloves.

I was instructed to return to the waiting room and informed that the scrub nurse would call me there and let me know when the surgery had started. When I received the phone call, she advised me the surgery had started and said, "Dr. Erck wanted to let you know that everyone in the room has washed their hands." Ha, ha, ha.

Fast forward a couple of days when a high fever necessitated a trip to the ER where Dr. Erck was waiting for us. We were directed to a room by a nurse and Dr. Erck stepped back to let us pass and I turned to him and said, "I hope this isn't a result of poor handwashing..." The nurse looked at me like I was crazy and I got the last laugh as Dr. Erck stammered, "But I washed my hands...."

Future Posts

Look for these posts in the future:

• Why it might be okay for girls to go to college and pick their own husbands
• My frustration with the homeschooling process
• Happy Mother's Day to me
• My new quilting project
• Free vasectomies!

Our Diaper History

Strictly curious, I wondered today approximately how many diapers have been changed for this crew. (Disclaimer: I am in no way implying that I have changed all these diapers myself.) Supposing 10 diaper changes a day for the first 3 months of life and 5 changes a day thereafter until they are potty-trained, between the three of them, my children have warranted 11,620 diaper changes. (I am, of course, working on averages. There have been many instances when newborn babies pooped on 5-6 new diapers in the course of 1 diaper change...)

Other Facts:

• We have changed diapers non-stop since the day Lily was born, nearly 4 years ago.
• We are in Phase II of having two children in diapers at the same time.
• We have owned and used 6 different diaper bags.
• Assuming that all 11,620 of those diapers were purchased in a box of 150, costing $30 (from Sam's), we have purchased 77 boxes of diapers for a total of $2310. And there doesn't appear to be an end in sight.
• We have completely destroyed one Diaper Genie and are on the 2nd one.
• Brian is infinitely better at changing diapers on the run, or as we like to call it, "field dressing".