10/09/2006

Things have sure slowed down on my blog. Finally. I like the blogging format, but with a diary site like www.inthewire.com or www.opendiary.com, you can really limit who sees what. You can make entries Private, Friends Only, Favorites Only and limit exactly who can comment and who can't. That's probably what I should have done, except I wanted the input of the people who usually read my blog. Oh well. I guess I could use my diaries to really talk about Brian and other things that I'm sure that I don't want everyone who knows me to know.

Brian has been working a ton of hours with this outage that just started late last week; he had nearly 40 hours of overtime last week. I am so thankful that he gets paid that overtime.

I have been working on a schedule to get things running smoother since it seems we have a ton of things that we are involved in. Between 2 Bible studies and my fitness classes and Kid's Day Out and Mom's Night Out and MOPS and on and on and on...I need a different schedule for each day of the week so I can balance working out with cleaning the house and making sure that the girls get up and take naps at the appropriate times, blah, blah, blah. I'm going to make a schedule for each day of the week and then I'm going to put it in my FlyLady Control Journal. And I'm going to use it.

My Body Blast class on Saturday was MURDER. It was terrible. I wanted to leave and quit and never, never, ever come back. But I didn't. Mostly because my trainer was watching the girls for me so that I could go in the first place. Any class that starts out with me running laps is never good. I hate to run. Running is the worst thing in the world. I can't think of anything I'd rather do less...than run. Brian thinks it's fun. Sick, I know. I did go to the gym this morning with the girls. I really hate taking them to the childcare there. It is not up to the standard that I'm used to for child care. There's nothing wrong with it, exactly, except there seems to be a bunch of forlorn-looking kids waiting, barely being supervised, while their parents work out. I do the bare minimum workout when they are there with me and then leave. I tried to get my abs in at home with my Mari Windsor Pilates Ab workout, but Lily wouldn't stop crawling all over me. Now my overall fitness has definitely improved, but not so much that I can do abdominal exercises with a 30# child sitting on my chest.

Today started at just after 6am, which is incredibly early for me. I am not an early riser, nor am I am morning person. I also did not sleep well last night after going to bed at 11:30pm. But I've gotten so much accomplished today. I started out the day reading my Bible. (Which I never do. I almost always read it at night or during the girls' naptime.) I was very behind on laundry; now I'm caught up. The living room has been dusted and vacuumed. I went and worked out. I've got a plan for supper and am just about to start implementing it. The kitchen is clean and the checkbook is balanced. Brian came home in the middle of the day so I didn't work this afternoon again, but he'll be working tonight and after Bible Study, so will I. I am way behind and need to get caught up. And since I got up early, hopefully, I can go to bed early and sleep better.

Maybe tomorrow will go as well.

Early Saturday Morning

Last night I worked out with the trainer. This entire week I have not been able to go to the gym as much as I ususally do and it really showed when I got together with Amy. The truth be known, I didn't want to go at all and had it not been for a prearraged appointment with her, I might not have gone. I guess that's the benefit, for me, of working with the trainer. I have to be accountable to someone who can actually hold me accountable.

I don't know if the workout was harder than usual, or if my absence this week from the gym made it seem harder, but I was not happy when I got home. It felt like everything we did was super tough and I was getting very frustrated. Had I not been paying her for her time and expertise, I feel very strongly that I might have just thrown down that red resistance band and said, "I'm finished. Thanks so much, but I've had enough." But I didn't. I ususally feel very good when I get done working out, like I've accomplished something. This time, I just drug home and felt crummy.

When Brian left this morning at 5:30, I must have sneezed about 8 times so I decided to go ahead and get up. I'm going to go to the Body Blast class this morning. Amy offered to come and watch my girls so that I could go. The girl that teaches that class is a demon. She also teaches Pilates on Tuesday and she's tough in there, too. But I always feel worked over when I leave those classes. And when I go to the classes, I give myself permission to avoid the elliptical machine. Although I don't know why I dislike it so much...it's the biggest measurement of my improvement besides the results on my body.

I am ready for some cooler weather and I think we're going to get that next week. We got our 2nd light bill since we've been here and it was $225. Last month it was $200. We live in a 900 square foot apartment. Our electricity bill wasn't that high in our house. Of course, we had obnoxious windows that never let anything in or out (except spiders) and the doors didn't have big gaps, either. There are benefits to living in an apartment, but the excessively high electric bills aren't one of them. We'll probably be freezing in here in the winter, but at least heat rises and hopefully the girls will stay warm at night. I worry about these things.

Family-Integrated Churches

Here is another opportunity to share your heart. Someone is asking about the benefit of family-integrated churches:

Home Churches Anyone?

I know that I don't know all the ins and outs of it all, but would be interested in hearing more information.

Mom's Night Out

Last night, I had set up an impromptu, un-official Mom's Night Out for some of the girls who weren't able to make it to the official one last week. What a disaster! Actually, the whole day was in the toilet from start to finish. The day started out poorly because of migraine and med leftovers in my system from the day before. Darcy refused to drink her cow's milk, either out of a cup or a bottle and I refused to fix formula. So she sat there and cried and I did, too. Poor Lily didn't know what to make of it all. The day just got worse from there.

My truck was supposed to be finished on Tuesday, but wasn't. Same for Wednesday. Finally it was ready late afternoon Thursday, but with Brian working 12+ hours a day, there was no way to pick it up until well after closing time. They were kind enough to bring it by the house so that they could pick up a check and I could finally have transportation. Seems like I feel worse knowing there is no way to escape all the madness.

Brian was supposed to be home in time for me to go out so he could watch the girls. I did fix supper, including making cornbread so it wasn't like he was going to be stuck eating leftovers or something. It kept getting closer and closer to 7pm and he kept not being here....and I couldn't reach him on his cell phone. Finally, at 7:15 I try his desk again and he answers it...I was so furious. My friend was going to leave her daughter with him so that she could go, and now I had to tell her that wasn't going to happen either. She was a much better sport about it than I was, that's for sure. We ended up taking all the kids for our Mom's Night Out which worked out okay because the other mom that was there did manage to escape her children so she took over watching Lily.

Brian finally showed up and took all 3 girls back to the house so we could finish our dinner in peace so he won lots of points for that.

Darcy had her one year check up today...doing well except the fact that she refuses to drink cold milk and refuses to walk. I can't imagine where in the world that girl gets that stubborn streak. I don't think Lily was nearly as stubborn...I don't even know if that's the right word. There are times that Darcy seems to be openly defiant. It doesn't matter how many times you tell her "no" or spank her hand or her fat little thigh, she keeps going right back to it. She's a happy baby...as long as she's getting what she wants. Isn't she a little young to be digging her heels in like this?

Clarification

I need to clarify a few points...so that we all have the right idea.

Whether or not commenters were speaking out of love, I felt no love. Period. I felt attacked and condemned. I felt like an innocent question asked in a safe environment was made very hostile. With love, I would think that someone might have asked what in the world happened that made me go this way. Instead, I felt browbeat and punch drunk from all the "love". So, to those of you that were acting in "love" you may want to work on your delivery.

Yes, I am struggling with this. Absolutely. I needed some encouragement because, to be completely transparent...no one out here homeschools. I did not want to be a pioneer and I thought if no one out here homeschools, then there must be a reason for it. The strongest Christians that we know send their kids to public school. We have been told that there are many, many Christians in key roles in the school district. The support groups in this area are disorganized at best. And it would be much easier. But I do not feel useless as a mother and I am fully aware of what my calling is. Let me further point out for the whole group: no one has "drug" me into the idea of homeschooling or drug me out. I have always had my own mind and that will continue to be so.

We are very thankful for friends who have shared their experiences with us. But sometimes it's okay to use a gentle hand. Especially when you think you know someone's heart.

Back To Our Regularly Scheduled Programming

Whew!! Glad that's over.

This week started Brian's 12-hour days for this outage. It's not really that much different than what he was working, except now it's required. He still leaves very early in the morning and doesn't get home until the girls are eating supper. By the time he does get home, I usually have some Brian-encouraged activity to go to anyway so we just pass each other in the evenings until I get home again.

Last night when I got home, the pastor and associate pastor were standing in my living room, which was not company ready, by the way. The upstairs was in much better shape since I dusted and vacuumed up there yesterday, but hadn't gotten to the downstairs yet. They were here to talk to Brian, not give the house a white glove inspection. At least that's what I keep telling myself. Can you believe they didn't even call first? What is that all about?

Things are still going well at the gym. In the past month, I've lost 11 pounds, and about 5 inches overall which makes me feel very good and very proud of myself. I am well on my way to getting to where I want to be which makes me very happy. Someone asked how I am able to stay motivated and I believe it has everything in the world to do with my trainer. She has a vested interest in how well I do and I really feel like she cares about me. When I told her how I'd gone 10 minutes on the elliptical (consecutively--an all time record for me), she gave me a huge hug and told me that she was so proud of me. When she and I work together, she's taking time away from her family to devote to me, so if I do things halfway, I'm stealing from her family and mine and that helps keep me motivated. Not to mention, I love how I feel. I really love it (this sounds sick), when I come home and I am sore...that tells me it's all working. I make Brian feel my muscles and I pretend like he's very impressed and not just obliging me.

Darcy had her first birthday last week and we didn't really do the best job of celebrating it. We've just had a ton of prior commitments going on that made it nearly impossible. I'm going to make a cake today so we can sit down as a family and celebrate it. We gave her some gifts the other day and of course, Lily is completely fascinated by them. Isn't that the way it always goes? I end up feeling like the worst mother in the world because Darcy always seems to get the short end of the stick, compared to her sister. For Lily's first birthday, we had a big party with lots of people and food. Lily lived the first 6 months of her life, in her bed, in her room, in our house. Darcy lived the first six months of her life, in 3 different places in a tiny bassenette until she exceeded the weight limit. Darcy is definitely the most well-adjusted, easily adaptable child of the two. She has no problem at all with change and she has the best disposition of any baby I've seen. But she knows her own mind and doesn't want or need your help, thank you very much. I thought she'd be walking by now, chasing Lily, but Lily stays pretty close to her so Darcy doesn't have to go very far. I feel certain that she will walk when she's good and ready and not a second before. Just like Lily did.

My Opinion

First of all...I'm about as surprised as I can be about the influx of comments on this particular topic, especially from people that I had no idea were readers. However, there are still some regular readers that haven't commented and I am very interested in hearing your opinions. (You know who you are.) Please don't refrain from comment because you feel this is now too hostile an environment.

I already knew that people feel strongly whether to homeschool or not and that was reiterated time and time again. People always feel strongly where their children are concerned and I am no exception. But I do not completely agree with any of you. And by "you", I even mean my own husband. It's no big leap to say that my opinion has changed recently and changed very drastically. To be completely honest, I know I would have never come to this conclusion if we hadn't moved here.

Believers are called to be a light to the world and bring people to the Lord. I firmly believe that this directive from Christ applies to children that are saved as well. How are we going to make a difference for Jesus if everywhere we go is bright and we are constantly surrounded by other Believers? Wives that stay home and homeschool their children aren't getting much time to spread the Word. We are surrounded by our children demanding our attention, surrounded by other Believers when we go to our homeschooling co-ops and our church groups and our Mom's Night Out organized by other Believers. A child can share the joy of knowing Jesus, too. Thank the Lord that Jesus didn't just socialize with his disciples and call it a day. Thank God that He saw fit to talk to the woman at the well and hang out with the lepers and the sinners, as well as other Believers. We are called to be Christ-like and there is nothing more Christ-like than loving other people, the unsaved and the saved, even when it's messy for us. That's what draws people to Christ. Being different. People can get condemnation and finger-pointing in the world. Christians are to be different.

Don't get me wrong. There was a time (about 10 days ago) when I was very pro-homeschooling. I thought that I needed to be the primary influence in their life because I thought that I could successfully protect them from every evil. If God can protect us and keep us safe in every other situation, then why can't we entrust our children to Him as well? I think if we address the idea of a heart change and not robotic obedience because of fear of punishment, our children will thrive and be a light, no matter where they go to school.

But my husband disagrees wtih me...greatly. You might even call it vehemently. It's not that it's a major issue right now (although it certainly feels like it) since our oldest daughter is just barely 2 years old. I can see one of two things happening here. Either we get on the same page and come to a decision, or this becomes a lesson in submission for me. I'm praying that we get on the same page because those submission lessons are never fun.