Tuesday, April 12, 2011

The Spider

Suffice it to say, I get little privacy. If I need to make or receive a phone call, it takes an act of Congress to keep the bedlam at bay. Right now, I'm sitting at my desk, writing, and 2 of my children are watching a movie a few feet in front of me. They have no immediate concerns or needs. And we could sit like this for an hour. But make an important phone call? In the bathroom? I am always urgently needed.

Emergent. As in, "Mama, can we have a snack?" Or, "When are you going to fix lunch?" "Do we have to take a nap today?"

Today, as usual, needing to file a complaint, they found me in the bathroom.

"Mama! There is a huge spider on the pink blanket in Reagan's room! It looks like a daddy long legs!" (I had a very good idea what spider was lurking since I had lost track of a large wolf spider yesterday in that room. I actually had hoped it found its way back outside.)

"Which blanket?"

"The pink one with the butterfly on it!" (I wanted to make sure that it wasn't the one Reagan sleeps with at night.)

"This one, Mama!" Reagan shouts as she runs into my bathroom with the blanket.

"Don't bring that in here!" her mother shrieked. "Is the spider still on it?! Take that thing outta here!"

Reagan ran the offended blanket back to her room, sat on the floor and started looking for the spider in the folds.

Her mother was horrified. "Baby, what if the spider is still on that thing?! Y'all come out of there!"

But then, across the room, I saw movement. A lone wolf spider was trying desperately to escape from whatever catastrophe was waiting. As it turned out, he had a meeting with a Toddler Size 9 Tennis Shoe. Unfortunately, it had already been rescheduled from yesterday.

Yesterday, I walked into the kitchen where two wolf spiders were sitting, minding their own business, having appeared out of nowhere. Of course, I screamed. Wolf spiders don't creep along the wall. One minute, you're alone with your son in the house. The next minute, they're at a table for 2 in the middle of my kitchen, wondering where the waiter is. I couldn't get to the fly swatter so I had to stomp on them which really creeps me out, even though I was wearing big shoes: my own. Using Reagan's mini-shoe meant I had to be both powerful and accurate...and closer than I wanted.

Someone should invent a shoe on a retractable stick. No need to be so accurate. Or so close.


Oilfield Trash said...

That would be a great invention.

And I know exactly how you feel about not having any privacy. My kids never let me have any.

Jennie B. said...

sounds like you're sitting on a million dollar idea. i mean, if someone invented something like that and it DOUBLED as a roach smasher, i'd buy a dozen.

Tricia said...

I got a little nauseous just reading about it. I DO NOT smash bugs. The crunch is just too much for me.

Inhale. Exhale. Repeat.

Jackson is my bug catcher kid. He's my hero. He gets them all, plays with them until they die, and then flushes them. Spiders usually get caught with a tissue and flushed immediately. Every single one is a brown recluse to those kids...they are properly cautious. The only one I won't let them kill are the wolf spiders. Big? Yes. Scary? Yes. Crunchy? Ugh, yes. But they are the bottom ranking heros in our house because they eat the other bugs and spiders. Jackson is forced to simply toss them out the door so they can continue to be my exterminators. I can promise you, I am not even close to man or woman enough to smash one of those suckers. So I rationalize not killing them by making them useful. It's hard.

Muay Thai Los Angeles said...

I do not like spiders. Especially wolf spiders. I've only seen one in my garage but it scared the living daylights out of me. Where do they come from and why do they have to be so hairy!?