Tuesday, August 17, 2010


I don't know why it's so hard. To accept help, I mean. I don't know why it feels so. . .uncomfortable. Even writing about it is hard. I'd rather just pretend that things are just fine and dandy and there are no problems. *insert big, fake smile here*

I don't think it's a control issue. I have realized about myself that I'm not the kind of person who has to be in control. I work well within the system that someone has to be in control and as a rule, I don't usually want it to be me. I do, however, want the people who are in control to know what-in-the-samhill they are doing.

But help, I don't like that stuff. And I had to accept tons of it this past weekend.

I had a tiny, minor, carefully scheduled, anesthetized procedure scheduled for a Friday morning. Generally, this would not be a problem. None at all. My husband works 4-10s. It would just be a matter of finding someone to watch the kids in the morning during this procedure. Except Brian was actually out of town working bringing us to Problem #1. As much as I wanted to, I could not drive myself to and from the procedure. Then Problems #2, 3, 4, 5. What to do with the kids?

Thankfully, gratefully, fabulously, friends stepped in and solved most of my problems for me, volunteering to take kids overnight, even Bubba Gump. One family even took The Three Sisters overnight and most of the next day, even though those 3 together can be a handful, even for us. Although, I think they were in the best possible hands. But I had no worries. I can't say how wonderful it was to come home, take my pain pills and mercifully go to sleep, with no worries. Sleeping in a drug-induced coma while my dad was cooking up a meal fit for a king. Peace and quiet all through the house. No worries!

Of course, it all worked out. Four different families, plus my dad were immediately involved in making sure it logistically worked out. But I felt very vulnerable, and that isn't something I relish. But I am grateful, even if I'm uncomfortable.

I'm grateful my husband has the opportunity to work out of town and make the extra overtime, to show his bosses he's ready for bigger and better things.

I'm grateful that my surgery has been completed and all is well in my body.

I'm grateful there are people who are willing to help me, even though I am reluctant to ask.

I'm grateful to be feeling much better today.

Today, I am just grateful. My heart is full.


shanon said...

Those that don't know what a huge step this is for you just can't celebrate is properly. I am rejoicing for you! I wish I could be there to help, but He heard my prayers and surrounded you with wonderful friends. I am full of gratitude that people recognize the beautiful, funny, smart, caring woman you are and stepped in to give you the care you needed. Also, I'm so proud that you found the courage to put yourself out there and ask for it. My heart is full, too. Love you!

The Savage said...

Congratulations!! Accepting help is h-a-r-d!!